Previews (Opening this weekend)

 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert ExperienceJoe Jonas, Nick Jonas 

If filmgoers in 1970 were told that their screening of the concert film classic Woodstock would include a pair of colored glasses that afforded them a sort of ‘heightened reality,’ there might have been some concern that someone had slipped them the brown acid. And no, your reviewer is not comparing teen musical sensation The Jonas Brothers to the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Sly Stone, or David Crosby—he is just saying that 3D technology opens up some unique possibilities for concert film-going. Just imagine the brutal knife killing at the end of Gimme Shelter…in three dimensions. Er, on second thought, please don’t imagine it. In Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, a G-rated documentary, the Jonas Brothers’ 2008 ‘Burning Up’ concert tour is chronicled…in three dimensions. The Plus: The genre. Just over a year ago, Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds raked in over $65 million at the U.S. box office. The Minus: The format. Not all theaters have digital 3D technology yet, which means that this concert film’s distribution may be somewhat limited.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Kristin Kreuk, Chris Klein

15 years ago, Jean-Claude van Damme led an all-star cast (Raul Julia, Kylie Minogue, etc.) in Street Fighter, an adaptation of the classic Capcom video game that first hit consoles in 1987. And a $33 million take at the B.O. back then was no small potatoes! Street Fighter’s latest trip to the theaters will have to do much better than that, however. The Legend of Chun-Li is reportedly budgeted at over $60 million. In this PG-13-rated adaptation of the popular video game, a female martial arts fighter (Kreuk) embarks on a quest for justice in Bangkok. The Plus: The name. With Smallville star Kreuk topping a cast that includes Klein (American Pie), Michael Clarke Duncan (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby), and Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas, 20^th Century Fox is obviously relying more on game than name recognition with this go-round. The Minus: The odds. Some video game films do well upon release (Resident Evil). For others, however, their debut quickly results in ‘Game Over’ (Doom).

 Reviews (Now in theaters) Fired Up!Nicholas D’Agosto, Eric Christian Olsen Pardon your reviewer for paraphrasing, but Larry Gelbart - the legendary creator of TV’s M*A*S*H and writer/director of the film Tootsie – described modern sitcoms in a way that sums up the experience of watching Fired Up! He said that the humor of the consensus of these programs had become stale because young television writers recycled from classic sitcoms. The writers of the classic sitcoms, however, were weaned on books, theater, and other mediums besides their own. Fired Up! feels like much the same—it is not entirely unfunny but feels like such a pre-packaged rehash of older wittier films that there is no way that this review could throw it a pass. When American Pie hit the film scene, us Reviewers lamented the long-gone days of Fast Times at Ridgemont High and the entire canon of John Hughes. Now, however, we would probably kill for a slice of that very same Pie! In this PG-13-rated teen comedy, the two most popular guys in high school (D’Agosto, Olsen) play hooky from a football clinic to join the cheerleaders at Cheer Camp and get laid.  Filmgoers have seen it before—many times and to a more entertaining degree. The best that can be said is that this recycled comedy knows its place in the zeitgeist and at least winks at the audience as each tired joke is delivered. In the film, the campers are made to watch cheerleading film Bring it On…and, to the disgust of the two principal horny stowaways, their fellow campers know every damn word. Down-to-the-wire: Chucked Up. 

Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail

Tyler Perry, Keshia Knight Pulliam

It is not that the appeal of Tyler Perry completely evades your reviewer. The Christian values and well-meaning morals manifest themselves quite plainly, thank you. It is the fact that for two hours, said reviewer could not wrap his head around the concept that this nearly 7-foot mediocre actor was supposed to look like a cantankerous old woman and not a giant man in drag—never mind buying the performance. Surely, his prolific output is partly to blame for this humorless exercise (constantly producing plays on top of films on top of television doubtlessly equals quantity over quality)…partly. The truth is, Perry’s problems go beyond weak acting and writing—specifically, everything between the opening and closing credits.

 In this PG-13-rated dramedy, the anger management issues of an overbearing Southern mother (Perry) lands her in the clink, while the loved ones rallying behind her learn the value of – wait for it - family. In another storyline, a prostitute (Pulliam) comes back into the life of the public defender (Derek Luke) assigned to her and Madea’s case. With a ready-made audience, Perry spoons out more of the same schlock from the previous Madea outings (Madea’s Family Reunion, Meet the Browns). This pistol-packing former stripper is outrageous—okay, the audience gets it…they are all just waiting for the laughs. Even TV staples Dr. Phil and Judge Mathis struggle to wring humor out of a script in dire need of redrafting. Worse, some actors actually look into the camera while the principals, Pulliam and Luke, look lost without some strong direction. Down-to-the-wire: Lock it up and throw away the key. Confessions of a ShopaholicIsla Fisher, Hugh Dancy  

In this PG-rated adaptation, a New York City columnist (Fisher) must reevaluate life’s priorities after her compulsive shopping leads to growing debt issues that threaten her love life and career. If it walks like The Devil Wears Prada and talks like The Devil Wears Prada, then it must be… Confessions of a Shopaholic?! Predictable yet likeable, THIS film gets carried along by a ready, willing, able, and hungry lead. Since she first turned heads with a hilarious supporting performance in Wedding Crashers, Fisher has finally proven that she truly has breakout star potential. It helps that the script doffs off an Prada redundancies and crafts some fresh laughs out of the Shopaholic catalogue, smartly using more than one novel for inspiration.

 Down-to-the-wire: Shop ‘til you drop. 

Friday the 13th

Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker

In this R-rated remake, a hockey mask-wearing killer sets out to slaughter randy teenage campers. Earning the distinction of being the best of the Friday the 13^th films is no small matter…er, actually, the bar is so unfathomably low that only the guy from A Beautiful Mind could measure it. Still, this film was more entertaining that any of the other 11 entries in the series and produced so much splatter that filmgoers will be wont to check their popcorn for gray matter…presumably their own. It is a slasher classic reinvented with renewed verve for the torture porn generation. There is really nothing new here, but director Marcus Nispel knows how to throw a fresh coat of blood on a dilapidated old shack.

Down-to-the-wire: Creaky Friday.

He’s Just Not That Into You

Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston

In this clichéd PG-13-rated comedy/adaptation, a group of interconnected twenty and thirty-somethings (Johansson, Aniston, et al) navigate relationships. If you scribble hearts onto your Trapper Keeper or dribble into a metal cup suspended from your head, than you might very well enjoy this an unromantic comedy that sets out to demystify the already demystified mystery of why self-centered jackasses would not call back nags who seemingly want to live in a Hallmark card with their stuffed animals and uterus. Relationships tend to be more R-rated…and not in an entirely libidinous way either. Worst of all (spoiler ahead, lovebirds), the film ties up the whole shebang with cute little bows rather than even trying to be even-handed and forthright about L-O-V-E.

 Down-to-the-wire: Doody call. The Pink Panther 2Steve Martin, John Cleese In this PG-rated sequel, Inspector Clouseau (Martin) must team up with a squad of detectives (Andy Garcia, Alfred Molina, et al) to catch a globe-trotting diamond thief. Through the running time of the film, it proved amazing to watch the awed expressions of the actors playing witness to Clouseau’s incessant bumbling…and then watching the same expressions on the faces of the audience who just plucked down cold hard cash to watch a palsied Charles Boyer, er, Martin defecate on his CV. This is the same literate funnyman who a near-classic stage comedy, so why are filmgoers seemingly buying him a Barbie Dream House for channeling Mack Sennet and Pepe Le Pew in a hodge podge of slap-sticky Z-grade buffoonery for the whole family?

 Down-to-the-wire: One in the stink.

 Slumdog Millionaire

Dev Patel, Anil Kapoor

In this R-rated drama, a Mumbai orphan (Patel) damns the odds and appears on a popular game show to win the heart of his dream girl (Freida Pinto). Director Danny Boyle expertly makes the setting a character in Slumdog, capturing the kinetic verve of India as both thriving metropolis and overrun slum. This palette provides the perfect backdrop for a wonderfully rousing story with more energy and optimism than all of the other award contenders combined. The film ultimately forgoes what should be its true ending and lets the action play out a little too long, pandering more to H’Wood fluff than heart by film’s end. Still, the toe-tapping Bollywood closing credits sequence earns the film high marks.

Down-to-the-wire: Feels like a million bucks.

Taken

Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace

In the PG-13-rated action thriller Taken, Neeson plays a former government operative who uses his training to rescue his daughter (Grace) from a slave trade operation. Neeson believably kicks arse with the best of them, leaving all takers lying in the corner in a fetal position and crying like Nancy Kerrigan. If filmgoers thought Taken to have the emotional and intelligent resonance of a Kurosawa film, however…well, they may find themselves in much the same state. To say that the film strains credibility is to suggest that a film about a man who can easily infiltrate heavily funded, foreign, underworld organizations and kick their arse actually ever had credibility.

Down-to-the-wire: Taken with a grain of salt.

Previews (Opening This Weekend)

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Isla Fisher, Hugh Dancy

Though this movie takes place in New York City, its source material is actually very British. For the most part, New York Times bestselling author Sophie Kinsella based her Shopaholic novel series in London (with the obvious exception of Shopaholic Takes Manhattan). Other titles in this prospective film franchise include Shopaholic Ties the Knot, and Shopaholic & Baby (your reviewer would go on listing them, but the estrogen levels are becoming alarmingly high). In this PG-rated adaptation, a New York City columnist (Fisher) must reevaluate life’s priorities after her compulsive shopping leads to growing debt issues that threaten her love life and career. The Plus: The players. Since she first turned heads with a hilarious performance in Wedding Crashers, Fisher has been relegated to mostly forgettable supporting roles (Hot Rod; The Lookut). Confessions could very well give the actress a breakout star vehicle. Just in case, Hugh Dancy (King Arthur), Joan Cusack (School of Rock), John Goodman (Speed Racer), and John Lithgow (Kinsey) should provide ample backup. The Minus: The competition. Even on Valentine’s Day weekend, Friday the 13^th will make for some brutal competition.

Friday the 13th

Julianna Guill, Jared Padalecki

If John Q. Filmgoer were still keeping count, this latest film would mark the 11^th entry in the Friday the 13^th series. Seeing as mass-murdering psycho Jason Vorhees has already taken Manhattan (chapter VIII), gone to Hell (IX), been in outer space (X), and battled Freddy Kruger (?!), however, it only made sense for Warner Brothers to start from scratch a la 2007’s successful Halloween reboot. In this R-rated remake of the ‘80s slasher classic, a hockey mask-wearing killer sets out to slaughter the randy teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake (Guill, Padalecki). The Plus: The players. Director Marcus Nispel remade Texas Chainsaw Massacre to such a blood-splatteringly gritty degree that the audience had to check themselves for gray matter at film’s end. It also made over $80 million at the U.S. box office, which bodes well for this other franchise. Though Friday the 13th has been case primarily with unknowns, producer Michael Bay’s name should throw some weight behind the project. The Minus: There’s uh…and then, there’s…ah hell, the lemmings are already lining up, aren’t they?

The International

Clive Owen, Naomi Watts

When the estate of Albert ‘Cubby’ Broccoli was looking to recast James Bond for the franchise reboot that would eventually spawn Casino Royale, one of the names reportedly bandied about was that of Clive Owen. Though the producers would eventually hire Daniel Craig for the part, it looks as if Owen may get his chance to wax 007 in this espionage actioner. In this R-rated spy thriller, an Interpol agent (Owen) and Manhattan Assistant DA (Watts) follow a money trail and uncover a conspiracy behind one of the world’s most powerful banks. The Plus: The players. Respected director Tom Tykwer should bring something exciting to the table, tackling his first big budget actioner since grabbing international cinema’s attention with Run, Lola, Run. Oh, and Owen and Watts have surely had their share of hits (his: Sin City, Inside Man; hers: The Ring, King Kong). The Minus: Bad buzz. They have also had their share of misses (his: Derailed, Shoot ‘Em Up; hers: I Heart Huckabees, The Painted Veil). Oh, and this film reportedly did not exactly wow audiences at the Berlin International Film Festival. 

Reviews (Now in Theaters)

He’s Just Not That Into You

Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston

If you scribble hearts onto your Trapper Keeper or dribble into a metal cup suspended from your head, than you might very well be the target audience for He’s Just Not That Into You, an unromantic comedy that will make every single person suspect that the fate of a Castratos (yes, the Medieval choir boys who were castrated for the purpose of d’oh-ray-me’s) was not all that bad. This book adaptation sets out to demystify the already demystified mystery of why self-centered jackasses with penises would not call back nags who seemingly want to live in a Hallmark card with their stuffed animals and uterus. And yes, it is a pastiche about love, people, but the interconnected paper dolls on screen will make filmgoers want to ‘seek help’ as opposed to ‘self help.’

 In this PG-13-rated comedy/adaptation, a group of interconnected twenty and thirty-somethings (Johansson, Aniston, et al) navigate relationships ranging from dating to marriage.   For a flick looking to give filmgoers all of the answers, these vignettes do not raise all that many questions. In fact, the chapter headings make more of a declarative statement than pose an actual query. And therein lies the rub: The film is afraid to get its hands dirty, instead filling the screen with young clichés in love. Relationships tend to be more R-rated…and not in an entirely libidinous way either. Worst of all (spoiler ahead, lovebirds), the film ties up the whole shebang with cute little bows rather than even trying to be even-handed and forthright about L-O-V-E