Previews (Opening this Weekend):

Cop Out

Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan

Writer/director Kevin Smith’s CV has given moviegoers the good (Clerks, Chasing Amy, Zack and Miri Make a Porno), the not-so-bad (Dogma, Clerks II, Jersey Girl), and the just-plain-ugly (Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) of independent moviemaking. He has also found the time to work in some acting gigs (Daredevil, Live Free or Die Hard) and produce an animated TV series (Clerks). Despite all of these notches in his H’Wood belt, however, he may have met his match with the Motion Picture Association of America in regards to the title of his latest flick, Cop Out. The organization turned down the movie’s original title: A Couple of Dicks. In Smith’s latest, this R-rated buddy-cop comedy, two NYPD partners (Willis, Morgan) find themselves on the trail of a merciless gangster (Juan Carlos Hernandez) obsessed with a stolen, rare, mint condition baseball card. The Plus: The players. Time (Die Hard) and time (Sin City) and time again (16 Blocks), H’Wood legend Willis has played a cop and played him to the hilt. Together with funnymen Morgan (NBC’s 30 Rock) and Seann William Scott (American Pie, The Rundown), he and Smith might laugh all the way to the bank. The Minus: The odds. Robb and Mark Cullen’s comic screenplay was reportedly one of the best unproduced scripts in the biz before Marc Platt Productions and Warner Brothers snatched up the rights. Smith, however, has only ever directed movies that he has written himself, which makes this go-round a bit of a gamble.

The Crazies

Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell

Long before the zeitgeist was populated with zombies, George A. Romero knew that the undead were big H’Wood business. Giving the living dead Night and Day as well as the lay of the Land, Romero has seen the Dawn of mainstream horror’s modern reinventions (28 Days Later, a remake of his own Dawn of the Dead) and hilarious comic send-ups (Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland). Now, he is producing a remake of his B-grade 1973 cult favorite The Crazies. In this R-rated thriller directed by Breck Eisner (Sahara), a picture postcard American small town becomes infected with a mysterious toxin that turns its residents into blood-thirsty killers, with only a sheriff and his wife (Olyphant, Mitchell) left to reign in control. The Plus: The genre. Remakes of horror classics Dawn of the Dead, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, Halloween and Friday the 13th scared up box office gold. The Minus: The odds. Horror remakes Halloween II and The Wolfman have not. Even with Romero’s blessing, The Crazies may end up to be a shot in the head – not arm - for Overture Films.

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

Shutter Island

Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo

Horror writer Stephen King reportedly hated Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of his 1977 novel The Shining, going so far as to take a heavy hand in producing a faithful 1997 TV mini-series. Some King readers have taken umbrage with the 2001 auteur stripping away much of the exposition and some plot details. For the pure filmgoing experience, however, Kubrick’s take – not the other leading brand - remains classic—one of cinema’s best thrillers ever, in fact. The horror comes not from cobwebs and fanged monsters, it comes from mind-screwing disorientation. Of course, in addition to a steady and stylish hand, it also takes a great lead actor to help to sell through the spooky goods. And this praise all doubles wonderfully as a review of Shutter Island.

In this R-rated ’50s-set thriller based on the novel by Dennis Lehane (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone), two U.S. marshals (DiCaprio, Ruffalo) sent to capture a violent female escapee find themselves stranded on an isolated federal institution for the criminally insane once a hurricane hits. Trapped, they begin to realize that everything is not as it seems and only their escape will bring to light the truth.

Some readers might buck at this review’s positive assessment of Martin Scorsese’s latest as mere hero worship. While Scorsese truly remains a favorite of this reviewer, it’s only after he’s shown great diversity having masterfully proven himself in genre (crime-dramas: Goodfellas, The Departed) after genre (period literary adaptations: The Age of Innocence, Gangs of New York) after genre (bio-pics: Raging Bull, The Aviator). And oh, what technique and flourish! Now, he adds horror to that grand list…and masterfully so. Here, he deftly crafts an atmospheric spooker that leaves everyone, including the filmgoers, questioning what was real and what was Memorex. Twisty to the point of maddening (and this proves to be a high compliment indeed), Shutter Island defines the sub-genre known as ‘psychological thriller.’

Film historian Scorsese also calls on some high-fallutin’ influences in rendering the film’s claustrophobic rat-in-a-maze thrills. A protagonist who goes to an island to help solve the mystery of a mentally ill woman? Why, that echoes the plot of Jacques Torneur’s noirish classic I Walked with a Zombie from famed horror producer Val Lewton quite nicely. Scorsese, however, gives Shutter Island’s violence a starkly naked scare-making panache not unlike Taxi Driver or Cape Fear. 

With The Aviator and The Departed as outstanding proof, no director brings Leonardo DiCaprio’s A-Game to the forefront quite like Scorsese. Shutter Island offers the actor his meatiest part yet and he gives filmgoers their every nickel’s worth, wringing out a tortured man fighting for his sanity against all odds—Boston accent and all. Untrusting eyes. Shaky hands. Broken spirit. Yes, it proves to be his best most Oscar worthy performance yet.

Moreso, Shutter Island is a damn good thriller, baiting discussion days after and inviting more viewings. If the film had been released in the fall of last year like it was originally scheduled, Academy voters would be considering this horror gem as opposed to unworthy Best Picture nominees like The Blind Side and District 9.

Down-to-the-Wire: Shudder to think—it’s THAT good.

Avatar

Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana

In this 3-D PG-13-rated actioner, revolutionary and rousing popcorn instant classic, a paraplegic ex-Marine (Worthington) who, through a scientific process funded by the U.S. government (Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez, et al), appears as a blue-skinned indigenous being on an alien world housing an extremely rare and profitable element. Never forsaking the script, Avatar’s landmark 3-D IMAX-ready bells and whistles merely enhance the well-envisioned drama and action. Beyond all this, the movie manages to wear a social consciousness (go green, people) without sermonizing. Here, writer/director James Cameron also gives a lesson in filmmaking economy. Even with an epic-length story, the writer/director never wastes an inch of film or lick of time in the 2 hours and 40 minutes it takes to tell this story. Better effects will follow, but not a better mantle.

Down-to-the-Wire: Out of this virtual world.

Crazy Heart

Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal

In this R-rated drama, a broken-down hard-living country singer (Bridges) reaches for salvation through a journalist (Gyllenhaal), who is on a quest to find the real man behind the musician. Not unlike the classic songs that made Nashville famous, this amazing ballad is all about story and voice, wearing them on its sleeve like a whiskey-drenched showman staring down 60. The heart of Crazy Heart, Bridges, will rightly win for his performance, which is not a gold watch for a lifetime of H’Wood service. It helps that his heartfelt and gob-smackingly true turn keeps perfect cadence with the straightforward direction and warts-and-all script of Scott Cooper. Backed with excellent turns by Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell, and Robert Duvall – as well as a killer soundtrack – this Heart sings a beautiful song.

Down-to-the-Wire: Crazy in love.

Dear John

Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried

In this PG-13-rated romantic-drama, time and distance take their toll on two young lovers—a soldier home on leave (Tatum) and the conservative college student that he’s fallen in love with (Seyfried). Dear John sweeps and swoons with an all-too-familiar rhythm but the ace cast really try ratcheting up the emotion. It not only includes a modern bent (he re-enlists in the Army after the events of 9/11), it also taps into a genre that rarely gets, ahem, tapped these days. With enough tear-soaked horrors in the world, audiences still love sad tales about star-crossed lovers…just not this tale. The third act puts out some dubiously dodgy plot points, but all involved (especially Richard Jenkins as Tatum’s father) nearly sell the wares to audiences wholesale…nearly.

Down-to-the-Wire: Dead letter.

Valentine’s Day

Julia Roberts, Jaime Foxx

In this PG-13-rated connect-the-dots rom-com, Ashton Kutcher plays a flower shop owner who just popped the question to a hesitant Jessica Alba but he’s also a friend of Jennifer Garner, who is dating Patrick Dempsey, who’s married but she doesn’t know…are you still there, readers? In Valentine’s Day, the audience somehow assumes a thankless role, getting fed multiple simplistic love stories so pre-packaged that they could have come from a motel vending machine that rents rooms by the hour. Truly aiming low, this star-studded patchwork rom-com blows kisses at the same moviegoers who made the standard-issue lovey-dovey mosaic She’s Just Not That Into You into a hit last year…only it’s much worse. The paycheck-cashing stars (probably guiltily) stumble through the Z-grade jokes like a young lover trying to say the L-word.

Down-to-the-Wire: Love on the rocks.

When in Rome

Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel

In this PG-13-rated romantic comedy that will actually make moviegoers want to drown the entire genre in Moon River, a disillusioned New Yorker (Bell) travels to Rome where she plucks coins from a magical fountain and attracts a host of odd-duck suitors (Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard, Danny DeVito). Even if the insipid dialogue clogs the flow for the audience, Bell and Duhamel’s Meet-Cute will lure them back in for the waterworks … and this is a bad thing. The couple has chemistry, but this rom-com’s traditional feel quickly takes on a magical bent that becomes more cartoony (think: The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze) than enchanting (think: Roman Holiday). Worse, the camera goes out of focus at least once and another scene doesn’t match its lead-in!

Down-to-the-Wire: Rome is crashing and burning.

The Wolfman

Benicio Del Toro, Emily Blunt

In this R-rated remake that smartly revels in its ‘30s studio horror roots, Lawrence Talbot (Del Toro) is lured back to his family’s estate following his brother’s death only to find his father (Anthony Hopkins), brother’s fiancé (Blunt), and a feral destiny awaiting him. When it bears it teeth, The Wolfman proves to be quite the heart-stopping scare-maker. Here, Del Toro and all involved give winning nods to this past (the monster’s ‘look’ and some story elements) while ratcheting up the script a step further. Moving the action to London for the 2^nd act builds great momentum, but sometimes director Joe Johnston fights too bloodily to earn the movie’s hard R. Still, if ‘30s Universal had this much leeway, they probably would have made the fur fly a lot like this.

Down-to-the-Wire: Howling good.

Preview (Opening this Weekend):

Shutter Island

Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo

Oscar-winning director and film scholar Martin Scorsese has brought filmgoers selections from a host of different genres, including bio-pics (Raging Bull, The Aviator), dark comedies (The King of Comedy, Bring Out the Dead), crime-dramas (Mean Streets, Goodfellas), literary adaptations (The Age of Innocence, Gangs of New York), and even musicals (New York, New York). With the exception of his 1991 Cape Fear remake, however, he has not dabbled much with horror…until now. In this R-rated thriller based on the ‘50s-based novel by Dennis Lehane (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone), two U.S. marshals (DiCaprio, Ruffalo) sent to capture a violent female escapee find themselves trapped in an isolated federal institution for the criminally insane. The Plus: The players. In addition to DiCaprio (The Departed, Blood Diamond) and Ruffalo (Zodiac, Blindness), this stellar cast also includes Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast, House of Sand and Fog), Michelle Williams (Brokeback Mountain, Deception), Max von Sydow (Minority Report, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly), Emily Mortimer (Match Point, The Pink Panther), Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children, Watchmen), and Patricia Clarkson (Good Night, And Good Luck; Vicky Cristina Barcelona). Also, filmgoers will be stoked to see how Scorsese follows up his Oscar win for The Departed—the early buzz for which has been great. The Minus: The genre. Scorsese has wrapped production on HBO’s crime epic Boardwalk Empire and is reportedly in talks for another theatrical crime-drama, possibly even an adaptation of true crime bestseller I Heard You Paint Houses with Robert DeNiro. Whenever he strays from this genre (New York, New York, Bring Out the Dead), however, he gets mixed box office results from John Q. Filmgoer.

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

Valentine’s Day

Julia Roberts, Jaime Foxx

Every so often, actors get saddled with a role that reviewers call ‘thankless,’ a term which, in regards to film criticism at least, refers to lightweight material that is well beneath the talents of an otherwise gifted artist. In Valentine’s Day, the audience somehow assumes this thankless role, getting fed multiple simplistic love stories so pre-packaged that they could have come from a motel vending machine that rents rooms by the hour. Truly aiming low, this star-studded patchwork rom-com blows kisses at the same moviegoers who made the standard-issue lovey-dovey mosaic She’s Just Not That Into You into a hit last year. Somehow, this valentine actually manages to be worse.

In this PG-13-rated connect-the-dots rom-com, the lives of several Angelinos (Roberts, Foxx, Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Shirley McClaine, Taylor Swift) intersect on the greeting card industry’s biggest day.

This is not to say that the actors listed above don’t assume a thankless role—just that they’re the only ones in this scenario who got paid for their pain and suffering. To be specific, Kutcher plays a flower shop owner who just popped the question to an uncertain Alba but he’s also a friend of Garner, who is dating Dempsey, who’s married but she doesn’t know…are you still there, readers? This reviewer would go on if this monumental effort amounted to something more than a molehill. The paycheck-cashing stars (probably guiltily) stumble through the Z-grade jokes like a young lover trying to say the L-word.

Down-to-the-Wire: Love on the rocks.

The Wolfman

Benicio Del Toro, Emily Blunt

Universal Studios certainly built their monsters to last. This reviewer defies any moviegoer to think of Dracula or Frankenstein and NOT think of these characters as iconically realized by Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. Over the years, if a remake turned out to be worth a damn (1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula), it was only because the director worked overtime to distinguish their work from the classics. The Wolfman, on the other hand, smartly revels in its ‘30s studio horror roots. The often-thrilling result doesn’t generate the kind of intensity that would, say, rally a mob of villagers with pitchforks and torches to storm the theater in excitement, but its shear entertainment value packs a lot of bite.

In this R-rated remake, Lawrence Talbot (Del Toro) is lured back to his family’s estate following his brother’s death only to find his father (Anthony Hopkins), brother’s fiancé (Blunt), and a feral destiny awaiting him.

When it bears it teeth, The Wolfman proves to be quite the heart-stopping scare-maker. What audiences remember most from the decent 1941 version starring Lon Chaney, Jr. is Jack Pierce’s legendary yak-faced make-up. Here, Del Toro and all involved give winning nods to this past (the monster’s ‘look’ and some story elements) while ratcheting up the script a step further. Moving the action to London for the 2^nd act builds great momentum, but sometimes director Joe Johnston fights too bloodily to earn the movie’s hard R. Still, if ‘30s Universal had this much leeway, they probably would have made the fur fly a lot like this.

Bottom line: Howling good.

Avatar

Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana

In this 3-D PG-13-rated actioner, revolutionary and rousing popcorn instant classic, a paraplegic ex-Marine (Worthington) who, through a scientific process funded by the U.S. government (Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez, et al), appears as a blue-skinned indigenous being on an alien world housing an extremely rare and profitable element. Never forsaking the script, Avatar’s landmark 3-D IMAX-ready bells and whistles merely enhance the well-envisioned drama and action. Beyond all this, the movie manages to wear a social consciousness (go green, people) without sermonizing. Here, writer/director James Cameron also gives a lesson in filmmaking economy. Even with an epic-length story, the writer/director never wastes an inch of film or lick of time in the 2 hours and 40 minutes it takes to tell this story. Better effects will follow, but not a better mantle.

Down-to-the-Wire: Out of this virtual world.

Crazy Heart

Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal

In this R-rated drama, a broken-down hard-living country singer (Bridges) reaches for salvation through a journalist (Gyllenhaal), who is on a quest to find the real man behind the musician. Not unlike the classic songs that made Nashville famous, this amazing ballad is all about story and voice, wearing them on its sleeve like a whiskey-drenched showman staring down 60. The heart of Crazy Heart, Bridges, will rightly win for his performance, which is not a gold watch for a lifetime of H’Wood service. It helps that his heartfelt and gob-smackingly true turn keeps perfect cadence with the straightforward direction and warts-and-all script of Scott Cooper. Backed with excellent turns by Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell, and Robert Duvall – as well as a killer soundtrack – this Heart sings a beautiful song.

Down-to-the-Wire: Crazy in love.

Dear John

Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried

In this PG-13-rated romantic-drama, time and distance take their toll on two young lovers—a soldier home on leave (Tatum) and the conservative college student that he’s fallen in love with (Seyfried). Dear John sweeps and swoons with an all-too-familiar rhythm but the ace cast really try ratcheting up the emotion. It not only includes a modern bent (he re-enlists in the Army after the events of 9/11), it also taps into a genre that rarely gets, ahem, tapped these days. With enough tear-soaked horrors in the world, audiences still love sad tales about star-crossed lovers…just not this tale. The third act puts out some dubiously dodgy plot points, but all involved (especially Richard Jenkins as Tatum’s father) nearly sell the wares to audiences wholesale…nearly.

Down-to-the-Wire: Dead letter.

Edge of Darkness

Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone

In this R-rated thriller, a veteran Boston homicide detective and single father (Gibson) investigates the murder of his only daughter, uncovering a shadowy maze of corporate cover-ups and government collusion in the process. Finally, there is a BBC mini-series that adapts into a remarkably engrossing political thriller with a winning amount of social consciousness for the American screen! Moviegoers can find it in video stores under the name State of Play. Uneven export Edge of Darkness, however, is another matter. This Mel Gibson thriller starts off most resembling Ransom and ends up most resembling Conspiracy Theory…and this is certainly not a compliment. Padded with enough twisty hokum for, well, a mini-series, this flick’s action scenes prove a welcome respite from an overall muddled plot that simply thinks too much.

Down-to-the-Wire: This Playback’s a bitch.

From Paris With LoveJohn Travolta, Jonathan Rhys Meyers

In this poorly acted and executed R-rated actioner, Steven Segal – oops, sorry - Travolta stars as a wisecracking, sharp-shooting, high-ranking U.S. agent sent to France to stop a terrorist attack with a button down wet-behind-the-ears operative in tow (Rhys Meyers). This new release was slotted for a big review on the facing page, but it doesn’t even deserve the ink generated here. It’s as if someone went into a video store, gathered up all of the passed-over Direct-to-DVD action movies and culmed together a vehicle for Vinnie Barbarino and Henry VIII from the most clichéd parts. Even Pierre “Taken” Morel’s slick direction can’t make Travolta’s tubby bald creep a credible action star. And now, this reviewer just counts down the words he needs for this review to make it to print—3…2…1.

Down-to-the-Wire: Forget Paris.

When in Rome

Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel

In this PG-13-rated romantic comedy that will actually make moviegoers want to drown the entire genre in Moon River, a disillusioned New Yorker (Bell) travels to Rome where she plucks coins from a magical fountain and attracts a host of odd-duck suitors (Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard, Danny DeVito). Even if the insipid dialogue clogs the flow for the audience, Bell and Duhamel’s Meet-Cute will lure them back in for the waterworks … and this is a bad thing. The couple has chemistry, but this rom-com’s traditional feel quickly takes on a magical bent that becomes more cartoony (think: The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze) than enchanting (think: Roman Holiday). Worse, the camera goes out of focus at least once and another scene doesn’t match its lead-in!

Down-to-the-Wire: Rome is crashing and burning.

Previews (Opening this Weekend):

Valentine’s Day

Julia Roberts, Jaime Foxx

Apparently, the title Groundhog Day was already taken. This year, Warner Brothers is taking aim at Valentine’s Day with, well, the aptly titled Valentine’s Day, a romantic comedy chocked full of more stars than a roofie-laced viewing of It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World! Everybody from Oscar winners (Roberts, Foxx) to Teen Beat cover stories (Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner) are starring in this love-in from Garry Marshall, the director of Pretty Woman. In this PG-13-rated rom-com, however, the lives of several Angelinos (Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Hector Elizondo, Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley McClaine, Emma Roberts, Julia Roberts, Swift) intersect on the greeting card industry’s biggest day. The Plus: The players. Marshall not only helmed some of the industry’s hugest big-screen comedies (Runaway Bride, The Princess Diaries), he also masterminded the small screen classics The Odd Couple, Happy Days, and Laverne & Shirley. With the cast listed above, he should be able to give moviegoers flowers and chocolates a la He’s Just Not That Into You. The Minus: The competition. Last week, romantic drama Dear John surprised industry insiders when it beat Avatar to the number one position. Between this surprise hit and The Wolfman, Valentine’s Day has an uphill battle at the box office this weekend.

The Wolfman

Benicio Del Toro, Emily Blunt

Time and time and time again, Universal Studios’ stable of horror icons have been remade for the MTV Generation. 1931’s Dracula has gotten this treatment countless times, most notably with 1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Likewise, retreads of 1931’s Frankenstein (1994’s Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein) and 1932’s The Mummy (1999’s The Mummy) have seen the light of night, er, day. Now, 1941’s The Wolf Man gets the remake treatment. In this as-yet-unrated remake of the Universal horror classic, Lawrence Talbot (Del Toro) is lured back to his family’s estate following the death of his brother only to find a feral destiny awaiting him. Anthony Hopkins stars as Talbot’s father. The Plus: The players. Del Toro took home a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Traffic and Anthony Hopkins (who plays Talbot’s father) took home top honors for The Silence of the Lambs while Blunt was nominated for The Devil Wears Prada. Under the direction of Joe Johnston (Jumanji, The Rocketeer, Jurassic Park 3), these celebrated actors should help to give birth to a modern classic. The Minus: Bad buzz. First, after nearly a year in the director’s chair, Rick Romanek (One Hour Photo) leaves the project over creative differences in January, 2009. Then, under Johnston, the release date of April, 2009 was pushed back to November and finally to February, 2010. Perhaps, this could be a bad sign for moviegoers.

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightening Thief

Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson

Talk about a God complex. Though director Chris Columbus actually sold his first script while still in college, he would eventually go on to pen some memorable films for almighty producer Steven Spielberg (Gremlins and Goonies among them). Scriptwriting for H’Wood deities, however, gave him his directing break with Adventures in Babysitting. Hit (Home Alone) after hit (Mrs. Doubtfire) would follow, but it was for helming the first two Harry Potter films (The Sorcerer’s Stone and The Chamber of Secrets) that Columbus saw some wrath-of-God box office triumphs. In his latest, this PG-rated family drama based Rick Riordan’s children’s books, Greek god Poseidon’s half-human son (Lerman) embarks on a quest to unravel a mystery reputed to be more powerful than the gods themselves. The Plus: The players. As the success of both Home Alone and Harry Potter demonstrated, Columbus has a knack for both comedy and effects-heavy material aimed at a demographic younger than 18-35. Even so, he has Uma Thurman (Kill Bill), Pierce Brosnan (Mamma Mia!), Rosario Dawson (Seven Pounds), Sean Bean (The Hitcher), Steve Coogan (Tropic Thunder), and Catherine Keener (Where the Wild Things Are) joining unknowns Lerman, Jackson, and Alexandra Daddario. The Minus: The odds. Columbus has stumbled before (I Love You, Beth Cooper) and stumbled big (Rent). Also, if young couples are dividing their time between Dear John and Valentine’s Day, older couples are working their way through the Oscar nominees, and single guys are fawning for Avatar and The Wolfman, who’s left to show Percy Jackson any love at the box office?

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

Dear John

Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried

This reviewer had hoped to include a joke involving the blink-and-it-was-cancelled ‘90s Judd Hirsch sitcom Dear John entertaining audiences more than the just-released 3-hanky drama it shares a title with (and he actually just did, clever boy). But truth be told, the new Dear John deserves more credit than that…not MUCH more, mind. It sweeps and swoons with an all-too-familiar rhythm but the ace cast ratchets up the emotion. Stories like this are supposed to be somewhat standard (indeed, the script’s worst infraction occurs when it paints outside these lines), but all involved work overtime to keep tissue companies in lucre.

In this PG-13-rated romantic-drama, time and distance take their toll on two young lovers—a soldier home on leave (Tatum) and the conservative college student that he’s fallen in love with (Seyfried).

Okay, so it’s no Love Story. Considering that that dated ‘70s weeper aged poorly, however, Love Story was no Love Story either. Dear John not only includes a modern bent (he re-enlists in the Army after the events of 9/11), it also taps into a genre that rarely gets, ahem, tapped these days—romantic dramas. With The Hangover giving moviegoers a good laugh these days, this average pic merely gives them a good cry. Its B.O. success hammers home the fact that – even with enough tear-soaked horrors in the world – audiences still love sad tales about star-crossed lovers. The third act puts out some dubiously dodgy plot points, but Tatum, Seyfried, and especially Richard Jenkins (playing Tatum’s father) nearly sell the wares to audiences wholesale.

Down to the Wire: Dead letter.

Crazy Heart

Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal

Very recently, this reviewer and wannabe musicologist started researching and collecting the classic songs that made Nashville famous. Unlike modern Country’s synthesized rockabilly, the legendary hits of Country-Western music were never about studio magic—they were about storytelling and voice. Not unlike these lyrical masterpieces, the amazing ballad Crazy Heart is all about story and voice, wearing them on its sleeve as would a whiskey-drenched showman looking at 70. And like a Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, and/or George Jones tune, there is enough substance here for three characters. In the hands of a master actor, however, the heart of Crazy Heart comes out in spades and oh, how sweet the sound!

In the R-rated drama Crazy Heart, broken-down hard-living country singer Bad Blake (Bridges) reaches for salvation through a journalist (Gyllenhaal), who is on a quest to find the real man behind the musician.

Bridges has already been nominated for an Oscar 4 times (Best Actor: Starman; Best Supporting Actor: The Last Picture Show, Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, The Contender), but will rightly win for his performance of Bad Blake. It is not a gold watch for a lifetime of H’Wood service. It proves to be as heartfelt and gob-smackingly true a performance as the real-life turns given by Haggard, Jennings, and Jones in their respective songbooks. It helps that Bridges keeps perfect cadence with the straightforward direction and warts-and-all script of Scott Cooper. Backed with excellent turns by Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell, and Robert Duvall – as well as a killer soundtrack – this Heart sings a beautiful song.

Down to the Wire: Crazy in love.

From Paris With Love

John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys Meyers

In this poorly acted and executed R-rated actioner, Steven Segal – oops, sorry - Travolta stars as a wisecracking, sharp-shooting, high-ranking U.S. agent sent to France to stop a terrorist attack with a button down wet-behind-the-ears operative in tow (Rhys Meyers). This new release was slotted for a big review on the facing page, but it doesn’t even deserve the ink generated here. It’s as if someone went into a video store, gathered up all of the passed-over Direct-to-DVD action movies and culmed together a vehicle for Vinnie Barbarino and Henry VIII from the most clichéd parts. Even Pierre “Taken” Morel’s slick direction can’t make Travolta’s tubby bald creep a credible action star. And now, this reviewer just counts down the words he needs for this review to make it to print—3…2…1.

Down to the Wire: Forget Paris.

Avatar

Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana

In this PG-13-rated 3-D, revolutionary and rousing popcorn instant classic, a paraplegic ex-Marine (Worthington) who, through a scientific process funded by the U.S. government (Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez, et al), appears as a blue-skinned indigenous being on an alien world housing an extremely rare and profitable element. Never forsaking the script, Avatar’s landmark 3-D IMAX-ready bells and whistles merely enhance the well-envisioned drama and action. Beyond all this, the movie manages to wear a social consciousness (go green, people) without sermonizing. Here, writer/director James Cameron also gives a lesson in filmmaking economy. Even with an epic-length story, the writer/director never wastes an inch of film or lick of time in the 2 hours and 40 minutes it takes to tell this story. Better effects will follow, but not a better mantle.

Down to the Wire: Out of this virtual world.

Edge of Darkness

Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone

In this R-rated thriller, a veteran Boston homicide detective and single father (Gibson) investigates the murder of his only daughter, uncovering a shadowy maze of corporate cover-ups and government collusion in the process. Finally, there is a BBC mini-series that adapts into a remarkably engrossing political thriller with a winning amount of social consciousness for the American screen! Moviegoers can find it in video stores under the name State of Play. Uneven export Edge of Darkness, however, is another matter. This Mel Gibson thriller starts off most resembling Ransom and ends up most resembling Conspiracy Theory…and this is certainly not a compliment. Padded with enough twisty hokum for, well, a mini-series, this flick’s action scenes prove a welcome respite from an overall muddled plot that simply thinks too much.

Down to the Wire: This Playback’s a bitch.

Legion

Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid

In this R-rated thriller that takes itself WAY too seriously, Archangel Michael (Bettany) helps a group of strangers in a desert diner (Quaid, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson) shepherd in the birth of a waitress’s baby while a legion of angels sent by God try to bring about the Apocalypse. Zombie movies have become their own sub-genre and Legion closest resembles the worst of these (once inhabited by angels, humans become craven flesh-eating savages that can only be felled by damn-good marksmanship) complete with villains that look like video game holdovers. When a plot sounds worthy of USA’s “Up All Night” and has religious symbolism that whacks moviegoers over the head, thine tongue need be planted firmly in cheek. Sadly, wannabe B-movie Legion doesn’t have a sense of humor about itself or mankind’s last stand.

Down to the Wire: Hells-a-poopin’.

The Tooth Fairy

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Ashley Judd

In this PG-rated family flick, a hard-hitting pro hockey player (Johnson) is ordered to serve one week of hard labor as a Tooth Fairy for dashing a young boy’s hopes, complicating his relationship with his girlfriend (Judd) and her kids. Predictable, sappy, and cloying, this happy pill takes moviegoers on a familiar journey (hello, Santa Clause!). Thankfully, the Mouse House realizes this and puts some winning touches on the property (with one scene, Billy Crystal practically steals the whole movie with a one-liner-heavy routine). This seems like quite a feat considering that the dependable 20,000-watt smile of charisma-oozing-out-of-every-pore The Rock is carrying this color-by-numbers flick. His Tooth Fairy proves enjoyable at times…just don’t drink the Kool Aid too long or you’ll taste the poison.

Down to the Wire: You can handle the Tooth.

When in Rome

Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel

In this PG-13-rated romantic comedy that will actually make moviegoers want to drown the entire genre in Moon River, a disillusioned New Yorker (Bell) travels to Rome where she plucks coins from a magical fountain and attracts a host of odd-duck suitors (Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard, Danny DeVito). Even if the insipid dialogue clogs the flow for the audience, Bell and Duhamel’s Meet-Cute will lure them back in for the waterworks … and this is a bad thing. The couple has chemistry, but this rom-com’s traditional feel quickly takes on a magical bent that becomes more cartoony (think: The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze) than enchanting (think: Roman Holiday). Worse, the camera goes out of focus at least once and another scene doesn’t match its lead-in!

Down to the Wire: Rome is crashing and burning.

On a clear day, you really COULD see Catalina Island. During a brisk jog along the sandy surf of Huntington Beach, the Surf City haze had lifted long enough to reveal both the island resort and the outline of the gi-normous Queen Mary II cruiseliner in the far-off docks of Long Beach. These were this writer’s last days in California and it was Christmastime to boot, so one last jog past the holiday-decorated storefronts on the way to the Main Street Pier seemed appropriate. The fact that these Winter-minded storeowners in their Bermuda shorts etched snowmen and snowflakes onto their windows in the 80-degree Pacific Coast heat always tickled this writer. Being a native of temperamentally temperate NEPA meant that snowmen and snowflakes were a winter reality, not just etchings…but sun-baked Surf City had become a home, of sorts.

You see, this writer had decided to embrace the benefits of PA Governor Rendell’s tax break for film projects. And during those final weeks of making plans, he ran into Jules, a good-hearted friend from his apartment complex. Though she would never talk about MTV’s The Real World at parties or get-togethers, she had been a cast member of this particular reality program about sometimes-randy tantrum-prone twenty-somethings living in a ridiculously well decorated house. Insomuch as she did not want to bite the hand that fed her, she also did not seem to want the program to define her identity. This writer and Jules were both packing out of our respective garages in the courtyard when she asked, “Where are you headed?”

“Back East…to make my movie,” came the reply. “How about you?”

“Can’t wait to see it,” she answered. “I’ve got this thing…in Mexico.” ‘This thing,’ of course, proved to be a spin-off of The Real World called The Inferno, which put these same sometimes-randy and tantrum-prone twenty-somethings through physical sports challenges. “But first, I’m headed home for the holidays,” she said. “My real home.”

“Me too,” seconded this writer.

She smiled. Surely, having been on a supposedly ‘Real’ program that put her in a camera-ready combustible living situation, Jules truly understood the significance of REALLY going home. And this writer smiled back as thoughts of The Electric City sunk in. It just proved one thing: No matter where life’s road meanders, it always seems to lead you home around the holidays—not just Wintry etched thoughts of home, either.

During their respective Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza or Festivus, filmgoers must navigate a busy wintry road on their journey homeward. The holiday season, traditionally a period for which Humbug H’wood unveils its biggest prize-winning birds in storefronts, could shape up to be quite a corker (films must be released by Dec. 31 to be in contention for the 2009 Academy Awards). But there are plenty of unapologetically sugary treats for the sweet tooth as well!

So, as always, the popcorn pictures and the award-baiting pictures are marked accordingly because the gingerbread fairies at ec/dc world headquarters would never put out cookies while forgetting the milk during the holiday season.

Ninja Assassin (Nov. 25) - Popcorn

Rain, Rick Yune

In The Matrix Trilogy, the Wachowski Brothers used a technique called ‘wire fu’ to realize the movies’ many fight sequences. Made popular in Hong Kong martial arts cinema, this method involves the use of wire-work to perform kung fu stunts. Their assistant director on this project, James McTeigue, didn’t get to use a lot of this technique in his directorial debut, V for Vendetta…but Ninja Assassin should prove to be another matter altogether. In this R-rated martial arts actioner produced by the Wachowskis, a man raised in an orphanage (Rain) turns his back on tradition, enraging his clan and starting a war. The Plus: The players. Regardless of the ensuing critical scuttle, even The Matrix sequels turned a tidy profit. And as for the Wachowskis’ protégé, McTeigue…V for Vendetta was a damn impressive debut, visually speaking. The Minus: The odds. But the Wachowskis’ Speed Racer crashed and burned upon release.

The Other Line: “The previews have a slight ‘tongue-in-cheek’ quality that may make this serviceable.  That said, REALLY?  NINJA FREAKIN’ ASSASSIN?!?” – Sam Falbo, film and stage actor

“I’m surprised the Wachowski Brothers have the nerve to release ANYTHING after Speed Racer” – Greg Korin, local theater icon

“Ninjas!?!? I’ve always dreamed of being a stealthy ninja assassin, but the whole 6-foot-5, slow-footed thing got in the way. Anyway, count me in!” – Randy Shemanski, Electric City Editor-in-Chief

“Something tells me the Cinemark parking lot will be full of little 4 cylinders that didn’t cost as much as the drift car aftermarket tailpipes they’re sporting.” – John Webster, Rock 107 radio personality

Old Dogs (Nov. 25) - Popcorn

John Travolta, Robin Williams

Sometimes, a title seems eerily appropriate. 58 year-old Oscar-winner Robin Williams (Good Will Hunting) went in for a successful round of heart surgery in March. 55 year-old two-time Oscar nominee John Travolta (Saturday Night Fever, Pulp Fiction), however, has had a tougher year astride in the march of time. Sadly, his son Jett passed away in January. And this all happened AFTER they wrapped production on a movie called Old Dogs. From Walt Becker, director of Wild Hogs, comes this PG-rated comedy about two friends and associates – one, an unlucky in love divorcee (Williams), and the other, a fun-loving bachelor (Travolta) – who find their lives turned upside down when 7 year-old twins are placed in their care on the eve of a big business deal. The Plus: The players. Travolta (The Taking of Pelham 1,2,3) and Williams (RV) have a slew of hits between them…even over the last few years. The Minus: The odds. But most of these hits proved to be ensemble projects (Travolta: Hairspray, Wild Hogs; Williams: Night at the Museum, Happy Feet). A lot of their recent starring efforts ended up in the doghouse (Travolta: Basic, Be Cool; Williams: Man of the Year, License to Wed).

The Other Line: “During the trailer the announcer says, “From the director of Wild Hogs.”  Why would anyone want to admit to directing that?  Wild Hogs was a painfully unfunny comedy.  Old Dogs will be more of the same.  The trailer looks highly unentertaining.” – Mike Evans, Rock 107 radio personality

“I think this was a better movie when it was called Father’s Day!” - Korin

“John Travolta and Robin Williams as middle aged guys who suuddenly have to take care of young twins….Wow…sounds about as exciting as a movie about three men and a baby….Oops…that’s right, there already WAS a movie like this….Love Travolta but this makes Wild Hogs actually sound “wild”! – Jumpin’ Jeff Walker, WKRZ-FM radio personality

Me and Orson Welles (Nov. 25) - Statuette

Zac Efron, Claire Danes

Legendary auteur Orson Welles famously spent his last days in H’Wood shilling wine, frozen peas, and voicing a gi-normous planet in 1986’s animated Transformers movie…a far cry from his days directing and acting in 1941’s classic Citizen Kane, believed by many critics to be the greatest film of all time. A filmmaker friend of mine once pointed out, however, that if Welles’s career was run in reverse (peas to praise), it would have played out like the perfect CV, ending up with his days at the Mercury Theater when he performed “War of the Worlds” on the radio and inspired the events portrayed in Me and Orson Welles. From Richard Linklater, director of Dazed and Confused and School of Rock, comes this PG-13-rated dramedy about the whirlwind week in 1937 when a young man (Efron) falls in love and gets cast in the Orson Welles’s historic staging of Julius Caesar. The Plus: The players. In addition to those films listed above, Linklater has given audiences Before Sunrise and Before Sunset—two of indie’s cinema best romantic dramas of the last 20 years. The Minus: The odds. But he has also given moviegoers The Bad New Bears remake and Fast Food Nation. Also, Efron has yet to prove himself in anything other than High School Musical (Hairspray and 17 Again weren’t REALLY a stretch for him). And this is shaping up to be one of film’s busiest holiday weekends.

The Other Line: “Zac Efron?  One word: DONE!  The only time Zac Efron and Orson Welles should be mentioned in the same sentence is the following: Zac Efron and Orson Welles have NOTHING in common.” – Falbo

“Is Zac Effron the new Keanu Reeves (I remember sitting through way too many Keanu films just because he inexplicably kept getting cast in all the best parts)? No matter, as long as Christian McKay gets his share of screen time. The British stage actor apparently played Welles off-Broadway in Rosebud, a show that was written for him. And screen tested well enough that Linklater (another reason to see this film) was able to keep him even though no one in Hollywood knew who he was. They will now.” – Alicia Grega, Electric City/ Diamond City and the570.com Current Event Editor

“Could be interesting from a ‘So that’s what 30’s radio was like’ angle. I wonder how far into it I’ll get before I see a mic or some other piece of period radio equipment and realize, ‘Hey, we still use the same kind!’” – Webster

The Princess and the Frog (Nov. 25) - Popcorn

Voices of Anika Noni Rose, Keith David

With the passing of Ollie Johnston in April, 2008, Walt Disney Studios marked the passing of an era. Johnston proved to be the last of Disney’s Nine Old Men, a group of cartoonists who shaped the face of animation in H’Wood, from 1937’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs through 1977’s The Rescuers. Though Disney cartoons are now mostly associated with computer animation and Pixar (the Mouse House acquired the Toy Story and Finding Nemo production house in 2006), Chief Creative Officer John Lasseter is paying tribute with this completely hand-drawn affair. In this G-rated musical from the Disney team that brought audiences The Little Mermaid and Aladdin, a Frog Prince (David) courts a young woman (Rose) in New Orleans’ French Quarter. The Plus: The players. Lasseter is the Chief Creative Officer of Disney animation AND Pixar, which just produced blockbuster Up right on the heels of WALL*E. Based on the cool-looking trailer, this throwback proves that the Mouse House may be getting its groove back. The Minus: The competition. Pixar aside, competitors DreamWorks (Kung Fu Panda) and Sony (Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs) have also taken a big bite out of Disney’s cheese, which only puts that much MORE pressure on The Princess and the Frog to succeed.

The Other Line: “Haven’t seen a Disney animated film since my kids were little so we’re talking Lion King, Aladdin. It’s a good excuse for adults to see a Disney cartoon. I enjoyed the movies as much as my kids did.” - Webster

The Road (Oct. 16) - Statuette

Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron

No doubt, writer Cormac McCarthy has wowed readers (Blood Meridian, his ‘Border Trilogy’). In 2007, however, his No Country for Old Men – as adapted and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen - also wowed American filmgoers—to the tune of $74 million and a Best Picture Oscar. In this R-rated adaptation of his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, director John Hillcoat (The Proposition) presents the epic tale of a father and son’s (Mortensen, Kodi Smit-McPhee) journey across a barren post-Apocalyptic landscape that was laid waste to by an unnamed cataclysm. The Plus: The players. McCarthy is one matter, but the industry players involved are another altogether. The brilliant Australian western The Proposition was one of 2006’s most over-looked films. Hillcoat’s stark aesthetics should paint the perfect picture for this landscape. Also, Mortensen became a bone fide movie star with The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but gained considerable critical plaudits with A History of Violence and Eastern Promises, which only increases this picture’s Oscar potential. The Minus: The material. McCarthy hasn’t always translated well to the screen (All the Pretty Horses). Also, the film failed to meet the original deadline its studio, Dimension, had set—November, 2008. Hillcoat publicly stated that the film simply wasn’t ready for release. Some insiders, however, have taken this delay as an indication that the studio was worried as to The Road’s bleak tone and how it will fare with audiences.

The Other Line: “Esquire has called this “the most important movie of the year” and not that I put a ton of stock in Esquire’s opinion, but that endorsement made me really curious about this movie.  The more I read and see about it, the more I can’t wait for this movie.  Look at the pedigree: John Hillcoat (The Proposition) directs Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings) in a film inspired by a Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men) novel with music by Nick Cave!  AND instead of using CGI to establish the post-apocalyptic feel needed for the movie they used actual locations, what a novel approach to filmmaking.  You know, I might have to retract some of the nasty things I’ve said about Esquire over the years.” – Falbo

Up in the Air (Dec. 4) - Statuette

George Clooney, Vera Farmiga

With two critically hailed films under his belt (Thank You for Smoking, Juno), director Jason Reitman exudes the confidence of a much older filmmaker…say, possibly, his father, Ivan (Meatballs, Stripes, Kindergarten Cop, Dave)? According to his Twitter account, Reitman the Younger has been asked about directing Ghostbusters III a lot while promoting his latest flick, Up in the Air. Seeing as his pop helmed the first two chapters of that legendary series, Jason would have some big shoes to fill were he to bust some ghosts. In Jason’s latest, a much-buzzed-about R-rated dramedy, a corporate downsizing expert (Clooney) gets his dreams threatened on the eve of reaching ten million frequent flyer miles and meeting the frequent-traveler woman of his dreams (Farmiga). The Plus: The players. Reitman’s was nominated for an Academy Award for directing Juno. Clooney’s actually won for Best Supporting Actor (Syriana) and been nominated for directing and screenwriting as well (Good Night, And Good Luck). Timely material in such acclaimed hands smacks of Oscar. The Minus: The odds. The hipness and PG-13 rating of Juno helped to bring filmgoers young and old out in droves, but an R-rated tale of a hatchet man may be a hard sell at the box office, giving Up in the Air a potentially short release.

The Other Line: “Clooney’s a busy man. Hopefully this one lives up to the hype.” - Shemanski

“I got bored reading the description.” – Webster

Did You Hear About the Morgans? (Dec. 18) - Popcorn

Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker

Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker might be romantic comedy regulars (Grant: Notting Hill, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Love Actually; Parker: The Family Stone, Failure to Launch, Sex and the City), but so is their director, Marc D. Lawrence. Having cut his teeth as a screenwriter in this genre (Miss Congeniality and its sequel), he made the transition to director with rom-coms Two Weeks Notice and Music and Lyrics—both with Grant. In this as-yet-unrated romantic comedy, a feuding New York City couple on the verge of divorcing (Grant, Parker) find themselves relocated to small town Wyoming after witnessing a murder. The Plus: The players. Grant threatens to retire every few years, but he keeps coming back in comedies, some of which proves successful (About a Boy, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason). Parker is still burning red-hot after the success of Sex and the City and buzz regarding its forthcoming sequel. For Lawrence, Music and Lyrics was a modest hit. The Minus: The competition. The holiday season is a busy time for movies in all genres. Even after even if this flick passes the muster against Invictus and The Lovely Bones, next week brings Avatar and Nine, a musical which will target much the same demographic as Did You Hear About the Morgans?

The Other Line: “Will they be passing out barf bags?” - Grega

“Great, another storyline with Sarah Jessica Parker playing a woman struggling with love issues. I’d rather have my fingers smashed like Leonardo DiCaprio in Body of Lies.” - Shemanski

“Hugh Grant wishes his first name was Cary. Pass.” – Webster

Invictus (Dec. 11) - Statue

Matt Damon, Morgan Freeman

Though Clint Eastwood hinted that Gran Torino would be his acting swan song, the 79-year-old H’Wood legend is showing no signs of slowing down. He is already at work on his next project for Warner Brothers, the supernatural thriller The Hereafter scripted by Peter Morgan (The Queen, Frost/Nixon). Steven Spielberg is executive producing and the cast includes Cecile de France (High Tension, Russian Dolls) and the star of his latest, Matt Damon.  ereafterHHIn this PG-13-rated drama based on real events, director Eastwood looks at the life of newly elected President Nelson Mandela (Freeman) after the fall of apartheid in South Africa when he and a South Africa rugby captain (Damon) campaigned to host the World Cup as an opportunity to unite his countrymen. The Plus: The players. With the blockbuster Gran Torino, Eastwood just racked up the top-grossing film of his career. Damon is sure to rack up some nominations for his critically hailed performance in The Informant! Oscar winner Morgan Freeman (Million Dollar Baby, also directed by Eastwood), however, loved this story so much that he produced it. The Minus: The competition. Between The Road, Nine, and a host of other pedigreed dramas, Invictus will face stiff opposition on the awards front…and Eastwood’s last contender Changeling didn’t fare well with Oscar nods or box office despite critical acclaim.

The Other Line: “Great director — check. Great actors — check. Great story — ch … oh wait. Sure, Nelson Mandela’s life is a great story, but will this storyline in particular attract anyone outside of the 14 soccer fans in the U.S.?” - Shemanski

“It’s directed by Clint Eastwood so I want to like it…but if I’m being realistic, Zzzzzzz.” - Webster

The Lovely Bones (Dec. 11) - Statuette

Mark Wahlberg, Susan Sarandon

Peter Jacksons’s three-film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings books, of course, is now the stuff of H’Wood legends (over a billion dollars at the world box office; Best Picture Oscar for the third part, Return of the King). Writer/director Jackson could have had his pick of the H’Wood litter project wise, but chose to direct 2005’s remake of 1933 classic King Kong, produce 2009 summer hit District 9, and co-direct a trilogy based on kid-lit classic Tintin with none other than Steven Spielberg…and all before producing Tolkien’s Rings-prequel The Hobbit, that is. Before Tintin and The Hobbit, however, comes Jackson’s PG-13-rated adaptation of the best-selling Alice Sebold novel about a murdered young girl (Saoirse Ronan) who watches over her family (Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz) – and killer (Stanley Tucci) - from heaven. The Plus: The players. Jackson’s aforementioned credentials aside, he first gained critical plaudits for Heavenly Creatures, another murder-tinged thriller involving little women. Actors Rachel Weisz (Oscar winner, The Constant Gardener), Wahlberg (The Departed), Sarandon (Oscar winner, Dead Man Walking), Ronan (Atonement), Tucci (Julie & Julia), and Michael Imperioli (TV’s The Sopranos) only raise the film’s pedigree. The Minus: The odds. The film has a reported budget of $65 million. If it doesn’t garner any Golden Globe or Oscar nods, this DreamWorks and Paramount co-production had better make its bones upon initial release or it won’t get re-released in come awards time.

The Other Line: “This would be a great name for a porn movie. Unfortunately Wahlberg’s presence likely means it’ll be less entertaining.” - Shemanski

“Sounds creepy and not just because Susan Sarandon’s in it.” - Webster

Avatar (Dec. 18) - Popcorn

Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana

Always a harbinger of cutting edge cinema, director James Cameron made a name for himself with Terminator, but he solidified his H’Wood status with sequels Aliens and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Fitting then, that his latest big budget sci-fi actioner comes on the heels of Terminator 4 (Salvation)’s theatrical bow and the news that Ridey Scott will return to his Alien roots with a prequel. Avatar, however, may prove to be a hard act to follow. In this as-yet-unrated 3-D sci-fi actioner, Cameron, brings moviegoers the futuristic story of a paraplegic ex-Marine (Worthington) who, through a scientific process funded by the U.S. government, appears as a blue-skinned indigenous being on an alien world housing an extremely rare and profitable element.  The Plus: The technology. His other franchises aside, Cameron directed the biggest grossing blockbuster film of all time, Titanic—the picture for which he also won an Oscar. Worthington (hot off of Salvation) and Saldana (hot off of Star Trek) should help to solidify this as geek classic, but the much buzzed-about 3-D IMAX-ready bells and whistles will keep moviegoers coming back. The Minus: The budget. Reportedly up to $500 million after marketing costs, Avatar will have to break Titanic’s U.S. box office record of $600,743,440 to even be considered a modest hit.

The Other Line: “500 million dollars.  That’s the reported budget for this film.  To put that in perspective for you, if there was one guy financing this film, that guy would have to spend 500 million dollars to make a movie with thinly veiled social commentary and mutated smurfs.  Seems like a deal doesn’t it?  So did TARP.” - Falbo

“$500 million dollars! Holy crap, this movie is nuts! Go, James Cameron! - Marko Marcinko, musician/educator

“Saw a trailer for this during NFL games recently and it looks incredible. Not sure if the story is all that riveting, but who the heck cares when it looks so damn cool?!?” - Shemanski

“James Cameron has had some success making movies. I love a bizarre plot. A paraplegic US Marine who plays a blue alien on the blue alien planet…in 3D. Gimme!” - Webster

Nine (Dec. 18) - Statuette

Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman

If American-bred John Q. Filmgoer wants to stray from the HWood machine, Federico Fellini’s oft-critically-discussed 1963 film 8 ½ pretty much defines ‘classic’ so far as world cinema goes. The film, which stars Marcello Mastroianni as a film director who retreats into fantasies and memories of the women in his life to escape his creative block, won Best Foreign Language Film at the 1963 Academy Awards and inspired Arthur Kopit, Mario Fatti, Maury Yeston’s Broadway musical Nine. Opening in 1982 with Raul Julia in the lead, the film went on to garner five Tony Awards. In Rob Marshall’s PG-13-rated musical based on this legendary Broadway show, a film director (Day-Lewis) finds himself stuck in neutral while trying to make a movie while haunted by the demands of the many women in his life (Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren). The Plus: The players. Marshall’s last H’Wood musical, 2002’s Chicago, went on to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Lewis (Oscar winner, My Left Foot) has been hailed by critics as the greatest film actor currently working in the business—this critic included. Oscar winners Kidman (The Hours), Dench (Shakespeare in Love), Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Cotillard (La Vie en Rose), Loren (Two Women) gives the film a pedigree that may prove impossible to beat come awards time. And oh yeah, The Black-Eyed Peas’ Fergie is in it too. The Minus: The odds. But few of these performers (save for Kidman in Moulin Rouge and Coitillard in La Vie en Rose) have sung on screen before. Also, filmgoers have seen star-studded, supposedly sure-fire Oscar winners miss their target before (Wyatt Earp, Evening).

The Other Line: “Daniel Day-Lewis has had quite a career.  The man just seems to have a sixth sense about what roles to take.  But I think this may be the end of that streak.  Who wants to see Daniel Day Lewis sing?  I mean, would There Will Be Blood been as good if there was a musical interlude when Daniel Day Lewis sang Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’?  Hmmm, maybe!” - Falbo

“That’s one smokin’ trailer. Way hotter than Chicago. Bubbling over with burlesque intrigue. Is it possible that Sophia Loren IS STILL GORGEOUS? What did she do sell her soul? I’ve got my doubts about Fergie but … This is looking like one I’m going to see more than once.” - Grega

“5, 6, 7, 8…Nine is absolutely fine.” –Marcinko

“I’d find this more interesting if the many women in the director’s life were played by Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Alba and Charlize Theron.” - Shemanski

“Nein. A movie based on a Broadway show based on a Fellini movie. I might just choose the bewilderment of the original though I bet some kind of pop tune or two slithers out of this thing.” - Webster

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Dec. 25) - Popcorn

Jason Lee, David Cross

Wake the kids and call the neighbors. This holiday, moviegoers are going to feast upon the genius of Ross Bagdasarian! No your reviewer does not have fruitcake on the brain. Bagdasarian, better known by the stage name ‘David Seville,’ kick-started his career by recording the number-one hit novelty tune “Witch Doctor” in 1958. It was in recording the Grammy-winning Christmas ditty “The Chipmunk Song,” however, that he gained pop culture immortality and birthed the subjects of this movie. In this PG-rated family-friendly sequel from director Betty Thomas (Howard Stern’s Private Parts, The Brady Bunch), the world famous singing trio (voices of Justin Long, Jesse McCartney, Matthew Gray Gubler) contend with school, success, and competition from a female singing chipmunk trio (voices of Anna Faris, Christina Applegate, Amy Poehler). The Plus: Franchise potential. Somehow someway, the first movie managed to make over $217 million at the U.S. box office. The Minus: The material. The first movie had a tired premise and potty jokes so old that the script had mice, which is saying a lot for a family comedy about, well, singing chipmunks. Somehow someway, moviegoers are going to have to choose between this novelty sequel and a legion of other family movies this holiday season.

The Other Line: “The first film’s trailer had a joke that showed one of the chipmunks eating the other’s turd.  And that’s what the first film was—a giant chipmunk turd.  I’m assuming this one will be as well.  Remember when “family movies” were actually well written with developed characters and compelling stories?  It’s been awhile.” - Evans

“I liked Jason Lee in My Name Is Earl and I don’t blame him for taking the money and running. Did the first Jason Lee Chipmunk movie make money or did they just have extra footage and figure ‘Why not?’” - Webster

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Dec. 25) - Popcorn

Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer

With Heath Ledger’s untimely death this past January, director Terry Gilliam (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) was left with a solemn dilemma. Ledger, who would posthumously win the Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight months later, had not yet finished shooting The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Actors Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law stepped in, however, to help Gilliam realize Ledger’s unfinished role. In this PG-13-rated fantasy, Ledger and company play a young rogue who helps to save the daughter (Lily Cole) of a traveling theater owner (Plummer) from the clutches of The Devil (Tom Waits). The Plus: The players. Leading back to his days as animator for Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Gilliam has given filmgoers a mix of cult favorites (Brazil, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas), critical gems (The Fisher King, 12 Monkeys), and wannabe blockbusters (The Brothers Grimm). The buzz for his Imaginarium and the brilliant casting has been quite good. The Minus: The odds. Gilliam has often had trouble pulling filmgoers. Beyond Ledger’s final performance curiosity seekers, Imaginarium may find its audience to be rather limited.

The Other Line: “Who needs Christmas presents? If the preview’s any indication, this is going to be the movie of the decade. And you can’t say Hollywood’s jumped on the steampunk bandwagon because Terry Gilliam was steampunk before steampunk was cool. It’s so refreshing to see what unbridled creativity looks like.” - Grega

“Terry Gilliam, great. Tom Waits as the Devil? PERFECT. Johnny Depp, Christopher Plummer, Heath Ledger. How can this miss?” - Webster

It’s Complicated (Dec. 25) - Popcorn

Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin

This movie serendipitously came up with what is, perhaps, the greatest marketing plan of all time: Get two of your stars to host the upcoming Oscars. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced on November 3^rd that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will co-host the 82^nd Annual Academy Awards Show in February—the first time that multiple hosts have been used since 1987. How, you ask? It’s Complicated, dear readers. In this R-rated romantic comedy from writer/director Nancy Meyers (Something’s Gotta Give), a couple divorced for over a decade (Streep, Baldwin) scandalizes their family (Lake Bell) and lovers (Steve Martin) when they have an affair together. The Plus: The players. Streep’s career is certainly cooking. Not only has she won two Oscars (Best Supporting, Kramer Vs. Kramer; Best Actress, Sophie’s Choice), Streep has also had a particularly lucrative run commercially (The Devil Wears Prada, Mamma Mia!, Julie & Julia) and critically (Doubt, The Fantastic Mr. Fox) as of late. Baldwin I enjoying a successful run on the Emmy-sweeping sitcom 30 Rock. The Minus: The competition. It’s Christmas week and a busy time at the cinemas to boot, people…which could complicate things for indecisive moviegoers.

The Other Line: “Ladies and Gentleman, your typical sappy, lovey-dovey comedy that just happens to premiere on Christmas. There isn’t enough alcoholic eggnog in the 570 to get me to see this.” – Shemanski

“Dreck. Meryl Streep is in the Robert DeNiro stage of her career it seems. “How much? Why not?’” - Webster

Sherlock Holmes (Dec. 25) - Popcorn

Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law

After he came out guns a-blazing with the double-barrel success of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, writer/director Guy Ritchie admittedly made a bad career misfire - working with then-wife Madonna on the romantic dud Swept Away and following it with the pseudo-psychoanalytical caper Revolver. With the brilliant RocknRolla, however, Ritchie evidenced a welcome return to form. His update of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic Sherlock Holmes detective books should erase any stuffy drawing room thoughts of Basil Rathbone in a deer-stalking cap from moviegoers’ minds. In Ritchie’s as-yet-unrated detective adventure, Holmes (Downey) and Watson (Law) investigate an American socialite (Rachel McAdams) and mysterious adversary (Mark Strong) in Victorian London. The Plus: The players. Ritchie aside, the Man of the Hour is definitely Downey. Following up his career-resuscitating turn in the popcorn blockbuster Iron Man with his Oscar-nominated turn in the smash hit Tropic Thunder doesn’t put him on the A-list—it MAKES him the A-list. The Minus: High expectations. Reportedly, Brad Pitt makes an appearance as Holmes’ nemesis Moriarity to set up the sequel. If Ritchie can’t pull a Christopher Nolan and reinvent Sherlock a la Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, however (read: big box office AND good reviews), this potential franchise could sink under its own weight.

The Other Line: “People ask the question, what’s a rock n’ rolla detective?  And I tell ‘em: This movie.  I’ve heard the complaints about how it isn’t true to the character or the books or the…wait a minute the trailer is on…yeah, the high-brow literary criticism doesn’t make this movie look any less awesome.  I’ll probably being unwrapping presents at the first showing.” - Falbo

“Oh, wait. Maybe Hollywood has jumped on the steampunk bandwagon. But what eye candy! And a shtick twist? How could I hope to resist?” - Grega

“I was never into Sherlock Holmes, but this could be pretty good. The trailer on television shows just enough action to pique my interest.” - Shemanski

“Robert Downey, Jr, outstanding actor. Guy Ritchie, director. Uh-oh.” - Webster

Also, be sure to look under the mistletoe for these holiday lovelies: Armored (Dec. 4), Brothers (Dec. 4), Everybody’s Fine (Dec. 4), Serious Moonlight (Dec. 4), Broken Embraces (Dec. 11), The Young Victoria (Dec. 18), and A Single Man (Dec. 25).

Previews (Opening this Weekend):

9

Voices of Elijah Wood, Christopher Plummer

And your reviewer thought that HIS bosses were tough! Imagine being a first time writer/director and having to answer to producers Tim Burton (Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street) and Timur Bekmanbetov (Day Watch). This proved to be the challenge for Shane Acker, who dreamt up and executed the fantasy world of 9. In this PG-13-rated animated adventure, nine “stitchpunk” heroes (Wood, Plummer, John C. Reilly, et al) fight for survival against predatory machines in a post-Apocalyptic future. The Plus: The players. Burton has been down this road before (Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride) and Bekmanbetov has been down a similar road, adapting a comic book into a smash film (Wanted). Wood (The Lord of the Rings trilogy) and Plummer (The Insider, Up) are the leads in a vocal cast that also includes Reilly (Boogie Nights, Step Brothers), Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind, The Day the Earth Stood Still), Martin Landau (Ed Wood, City of Ember), Crispin Glover (Back to the Future, Beowulf). The Minus: The competition. One weekend…four high-profile debuts. Even though it is the only animated adventure opening, 9 could face a challenging weekend amidst the other movies going into wide release.

Sorority Row

Briana Evigan, Rumer Willis

First, those dastardly H’Wood butchers went after director John Carpenter’s catalogue (The Fog, Halloween, Last House on the Left). Then, they went after New Line Cinema’s slasher catalogue (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th). Now, they have apparently set their sights on the bottom-of-the-barrel catalogue (the 1986 gem Sorority House Massacre). By ‘butchers,’ your reviewer speaks of remaking horror movies. In this R-rated remake, five sorority girls (Evigan, Willis, et al) inadvertently cause the death of one their own after a prank goes amuck, only to be stalked by a mysterious killer. The Plus: The genre. If The Final Destination is any indication (two weekends at number one), horror can be a cash cow even with a no-name cast. Evigan’s biggest movie has been Step Up 2: The Streets and Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, had a supporting gig in The House Bunny. To hedge their bets, however, the producers of Sorority Row have included Carrie (‘Princess Leia’) Fisher and reality TV staple Audrina Patiridge (The Hills) are in on the bloodshed. The Minus: The odds. Even though a sequel has already been optioned, Halloween 2 did not open nearly as big as H’Wood had anticipated. In a busy weekend like this, a low grossing opening could spell disaster for a lil’ horror flick like this.

Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself

Taraji P. Henson, Mary J. Blige

H’wood can officially call Tyler Perry a “mogul.” Through his smash successes on stage (I Know I’ve Been Changed), television (House of Payne) and screen (Diary of a Mad Black Woman), Perry has amassed a gi-normous following of fans, big grosses, and clout…so much, in fact, that he has opened up his own studio in Atlanta and even had a role in the blockbuster Star Trek. In this PG-13-rated drama based on one of Perry’s plays, some delinquent sisters (Blige, Hope Olaide Wilson) are charged with caring for their sole relative, a boozy nightclub singer (Henson) who wants nothing to do with them. The Plus: The players. Again (Madea’s Family Reunion), again (Meet the Browns), and again (Madea Goes to Jail), Perry has opened big with his name firmly planted above the movie’s title. And he always includes some big-name talent in on the action—legendary Gladys Knight is in on this go-round. The Minus: The odds. But everyone in H’Wood stumbles at one time. And if you haven’t picked up on it yet, dear readers, this weekend is spread kind of thin.

Whiteout

Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht

Former music video director Dominic Sena has only made three H’Wood films, but they have mostly been all-star blockbusters. Crime thriller Kalifornia (1993) featured Brad Pitt as a rising star, the Gone in 60 Seconds remake (2000) starred Nicolas Cage and Angelina Jolie, and Swordfish (2001) boasted the likes of John Tavolta, Halle Berry, and newbie Hugh Jackman. In this R-rated thriller, Sena’s first film in 8 years, a U.S. marshall (Beckinsale) gets assigned to a murder in Antarctica only to become embroiled in a deeper mystery. The Plus: The players. Time (Evolution) and again (Rise of the Lycans), Beckinsale has helped the Underworld franchise to open big. Gabriel Macht (The Spirit) and Tom Skerritt (Tears of the Sun) are along for the ride. The Minus: The competition. Based on the marketing campaigns, if Tyler Perry doesn’t somehow take the pole position, then Sorority House or 9 will, which leaves this thriller in a whiteout.

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

All About Steve

Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper

Sometimes, a script isn’t worth the recycled paper its printed on. Within the first 2 minutes of a comedy, the audience should know WHO the story is about. Within the first 20 minutes, they should pretty much know WHAT hi-jinks they are going to get into. 20 minutes into Some Like it Hot—kapow, moviegoers know that Joe and Jerry are unemployed actors who have to disguise themselves in drag to escape the mob. With All About Steve, moviegoers get to know their screwball lead character and where the hell she’s headed only after sitting through a tortuous 90 minutes. Worse, she really wasn’t worth getting to know. Your reviewer gets the feeling that Billy Wilder, let alone first-time director Phil Traill, could not have passed this piece of shit off as the ice cream it pretends to be.

In this PG-13-rated screwball comedy, Bullock falls head over heels for Cooper’s TV cameraman after one blind date and follows him and his crew (Thomas Hayden Church, Ken Jeong) around the country.

Sandra Bullock has officially made the worst movie on her CV. Her character is supposed to be a highly intelligent crossword puzzle writer who is mistaken for a kooky stalker. There is no mistake about it—the character IS a kooky stalker. And sadly, Bradley’s Cooper’s wooden cameraman is so uninteresting that he isn’t worth a ‘hello’ let alone stalking. It is so awful that Rhonda Shear would have passed it up for bad movie showcase USA Up All Night back in the day.

Down-to-the-Wire: All about nothing.

Extract

Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis

If this review were based on the movie trailer and not the movie itself, Extract – and not The Hangover - would be heralded as the laugh-riot of the year. It goes beyond epitomizing that old cliché: “the best parts of the movie were in the trailer.” The preview simply makes the whole she-bang seem a whole lot funnier than it actually is, which is a pat on the back for the trailer’s editors…and also somewhat of an untruth in advertising. The reel deal is that Extract was not what your reviewer was expecting, which was a knee-slapping raucous comedy along the lines of Superbad. It is a more muted comedy, rife with more observational humor as opposed to bust-a-gut outrageous bits. While the director does a phenomenal job of portraying blue collar versus white collar America, his comedy comes on like a lamb when, perhaps, moviegoers were expecting a lion.

In this R-rated comedy from Mike Judge (Office Space), a flower plant extract owner (Bateman) deals with workplace issues and a string of bad luck, including his wife’s (Kristen Wiig) affair with a gigolo.

If Jason Bateman were a salesman, your reviewer might very well own the Brooklyn Bridge. Every knee-jerk reaction that nice-guy Bateman pulls out of his bag of tricks is wholly believable—from backpedaling from a neighbor to apologizing to the woman who screwed him over. The rest of the cast (especially Ben Affleck, in another great supporting turn) hit their marks and remember the lines for set-ups that elicit more chuckles than guffaws.

Down-to-the-Wire: Waste of office space.

The Final Destination: Death Trip

Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten

In this 3-D R-rated gross-out (also available in 2-D), a vexed young man has visions of death-capades and races to stop them from coming true to himself and his friends. That pretty much sums up this 90 minutes blown to all Hell. It is a gratuitous excuse for director David R. Ellis to merge the America’s Funniest Video-style hokum of Faces of Death with the cunning technology that dubiously made Jaws 3-D blockbuster entertainment back in 1982. He accomplishes this, but not without sacrificing a piece of our ever-living souls. He sets it up only to either throw away the moment (escalator of terror) or ignite the action (messy Nascar lap) to the dubious delight of moviegoers checking themselves for stray gray matter…presumably their own.  

Down-to-the-Wire: Destination unknown.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum

In this PG-13-rated cheese platter, an elite covert military organization (Quaid, Tatum, Marlon Wayans) travels the world to battle a mysterious terrorist operation called Cobra (Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston). Well, what do filmgoers expect from a $170 million movie based on a 3 and a half inch-tall tall action figure? There is no denying G.I. Joe’s entertainment factor. Thankfully for the kid in all of us, the story smacks of make believe, the cast chews the scenery, IQs drop, and all involved are somehow baited into an obligatory sequel. Somewhere along the way, however, the adult reality sets in that G.I. Joe - with its overblown terrorist ass-kicking in Paris and randy soldiers - has become the punchline to the joke that Team America: World Police set up.

Down-to-the-Wire: More zero than hero.

Halloween II

Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell

In this R-rated sequel masquerading as murder porn, Michael Myers’ (Mane) murderous rampage continues…with his sister (Scout Taylor-Compton) seemingly dead in his sights. If John Carpenter directed Twin Peaks or David Lynch directed Halloween, it would probably look a lot like this indulgent mess. With Halloween II, moviegoers are left with a flick so laughably drenched in Karo syrup that it becomes downright silly, not scary. Worse, it puts viewers through dimestore armchair psychology involving visions of the serial killer’s inner child, the director’s wife, and an unfortunate white horse that must have wandered into the shot. This is not psycho-babble—this is psycho-bubblegum…and it plays out about as well as the first craptastic Halloween sequels did back in the day.

Down-to-the-Wire: Tainted Trick-or-Treat candy.

Inglourious Basterds

Brad Pitt, Eli Roth

In this bloody damn good R-rated war flick, Lieutenant Aldo Raine (Pitt) leads an unscrupulous team of Jewish-American Nazi hunters (Roth, B.J. Novack) into German-occupied France. With such a gloriously misspelled title, filmgoers should march into the theater fully expecting an off-kilter war film, but Basterds truly measures up to some of filmdom’s greatest WWII pictures in terms of action and chatter. Christoph Waltz’s portrayal of an unscrupulously brutal and opportunistic Nazi, however, will court Oscar come February—as will the film itself now that the Best Picture category has been extended to 10 selections. Tarantino’s audacious ending will surely cause some head scratching among audiences, but the suspenseful shots (especially the Paris-set movie premiere) and intelligent dialogue (especially the tavern-set face-off) is gloriously keen cinema.

Down-to-the-Wire: Basterdly good.

Julie & Julia

Meryl Streep, Amy Adams

In this PG-13-rated comedy famed chef Julia Child (Streep) and a young blogger (Adams) who embarks on a culinary quest to cook all 524 recipes from Childs’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year. In a summer where killer robots from outer space and live action action figures have failed miserably to entertain the Bejesus out of your chauvinistic reviewer, leave it to this chick flick to pick up the slack. Meryl Streep nails the specific eccentricities of Julia Child with such precision that her turn does not come off as imitation—just uncannily spot-on. The other star performance comes courtesy of writer/director Nora Ephron for pulling these dueling storylines together in such an entertaining– though not always seamless or breezy - fashion.

Down-to-the-Wire: Bon appetit.

Taking Woodstock

Demetri Martin, Imelda Staunton

In this R-rated fact-based account, a young man trying to revitalize his parent’s Catskills motel (Martin) inadvertently sets in motion the generation-defining summer of ’69 concert. Though the Zeitgeist tent-pole known as Woodstock certainly deserves epic attention, this cutesy and folksy dramedy does not. There are great moments that endear this memoir adaptation to your reviewer, an unapologetic rock history nut. He knows of no other film – other than Michael Wadleigh’s legendary concert film – that perfectly summons up that electric eclectic atmosphere of what attending Woodstock must have been like. As director Ang Lee expands its reach from documenting the often comical true events described above to becoming a sprawling coming-of-age story, however, the film takes the brown acid, becoming a long strange trip that takes itself way too seriously.

Down-to-the-Wire: Take it or leaf it.

From the pages of Electric City and Diamond City, two of Northeastern Pennsylvania’s premier arts and entertainment publications, comes Richlier founder Jeff Boam’s special column:

Ah, Fall—a time when a young man’s fancy turns to…celebrity? ‘Tis true. Like love and authority, celebrity is a ‘concept’ that, in reality, holds no true discernable weight which scientists – not even the ones who created Mothra and Mechagodzilla – could measure. But boy, does it lure us in like Mothras to a flame!

The first celebrity your reviewer remembers meeting was local TV personality Miss Judy, a nicey nice grandma-type with a perpetual smile who held court over the low-budget and geopolitically obscure land of Hatchy Milatchy, a magical kingdom that handed out giant Tootsie Roll banks like they were Red Cross relief packs.

It was sensational, that feeling of meeting someone so rapturously ensnared in the public eye. From the outset, there was that overwhelming gut-punch feeling that such persons of elevated sociological stature were more important than your young reviewer—the same remarkable feeling that compels people to buy a bus ticket to H’Wood and defecate on the steps of VH1’s The Flavor of Love set.

And it continued into young adulthood. Once, while attending a funeral for a well-known Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright for whom my cousin Mary was once the personal assistant for, your reviewer was introduced to Martin Sheen. Now, this proved to be a more important sovereign than the ruler of the Land of Hatchy Milatchy. This man ruled an entire country—these United States, in fact…so far as TV’s The West Wing was concerned. Sheen could not have been more personable or gracious with his time. Hearing that your reviewer was a filmmaker, he asked about what was in the wind. “A comedy about boxing.” And though this celebrated actor stood as captive audience for more, an embarrassing silence reigned. Your reviewer had the ear of the man who hunted Marlon Brando through Vietnam in Apocalypse Now and all he could muster was four little words. Pathetic.

Such is the definition of ‘star-struck,’ a malady that would continue well into a professional setting. At CNN’s Washington, D.C. bureau, your reviewer applied himself as a script editor and production assistant in a rotation internship. And when he asked to be the only P.A. allowed on the set of the 25^th Anniversary of Watergate edition of Larry King Live…well, no one else had asked and, as such, your reviewer was given permission. After watching Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, G. Gordon Liddy, and Ben Bradlee pepper the host with anecdotes and high-tail it out of the building, he got into an elevator only to hear a familiar voice boom out: “Hold it!” Larry King and his assistant strolled in. After a few floors of awkward silence, King turned to this star-struck shy P.A. and remarked, “A lot of talent in that room tonight, kid.” And all that your reviewer could muster was, “Yep”…before leaving the elevator at the first available DING, weak-kneed.

Then, your reviewer went from weak-kneed to knee-deep. Surely, moving to Los Angeles cured this affliction. In fact, meeting celebrities on a frequent basis made such people seem all the more accessible—Scott Caan, Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, the late Jack Palance, etc. Surely, this star-struck malady had vamoosed!

So when it came time for your reviewer to churn out his 2009 Fall Movie Preview, he had no hang-ups about asking some local celebrities for their two cents. And based on the list of upcoming films below, this season is shaping up to be quite the corker. But you won’t just have to take your reviewer’s word for it … these celebrities piped in with some informed opinions (for whatever reason, the women were shy about sharing their thoughts). To offset the films, however, ec/dc labeled the award-baiting films with a “Statuette” and the rest with a “Popcorn Bucket” because this is the time of year when H’Wood slows down their blockbuster production and begins ramping up the quality for the long awards season that culminates in the Oscar race.

The Informant! (Sept. 18) - Statuette

Matt Damon, Scott Bakula

Ever since Steven Soderbergh broke onto the H’Wood scene with the 1989 indie classic Sex, Lies, and Videotape, this director has consistently teeter-tottered between experimental personal films (Schizopolis, The Girlfriend Experience) and popcorn entertainment (Out of Sight, Oceans Eleven). Occasionally, audiences, critics, and Oscar voters alike fall into perfect cadence (Erin Brockovich, Traffic)…occasionally not (The Good German, Che Parts One and Two). Warner Brothers is hoping for the former scenario with the release of The Informant! In this R-rated comedy based on a true story, Damon plays a bumbling but high-ranking whistleblower of a major corporation who begins to fancy himself a de facto secret agent when he begins dealing with the FBI. The Plus: The players. Soderbergh directed Julia Roberts (Erin Brockovich) and Benicio Del Toro (Traffic) to Oscar wins. Bourne trilogy superstar Matt Damon, who packed on 30 pounds to the play the title role, could very well be headed in that direction himself. The Minus: The odds. Kurt Eichenwald’s book on which this film is based takes the subject matter as serious-as-a-heart-attack…will Soderbergh’s liberties make filmgoers happy?

The Other Line: “Bakula’s back?!? Super cool. Kind of feels like Burn After Reading, which I still can’t figure out if I like or not.  I do dig Soderbergh, though.  I’ll probably rent it.  Or catch it on TBS when they beat this to death like they did Ocean’s Eleven.” – Sam Falbo, actor, Scranton Public Theater’s production of Tally’s Folly

Jennifer’s Body (Sept. 18) - Popcorn Bucket

Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried

This may come across as the most obvious statement ever spoken by a true-blooded American male, but all eyes are sure to be on Megan Fox’s body this fall. To be more specific, filmgoers will feast their gazes upon FHM’s ‘Hottest Woman in the World’ as she plays the ghoulish title role in Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody’s follow-up to Juno. In this R-rated comedy-thriller, a cheerleader (Fox) seemingly living the perfect life literally becomes the girl from hell after she gets possessed and starts killing off high school boys in a small town. The Plus: The players. While Cody’s screenplay won an Oscar, Fox has been gracing every magazine cover imaginable in support of both Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and just being hot. Seyfried, however, is no small potatoes after turning heads with her performance in Mamma Mia! The Minus: The rating. If this movie is supposed to appeal to the same teen audience that flocked to see Juno and helped to make it a smash success, the ‘Restricted’ rating sure puts a damper on things.

The Other Line: “Jennifer’s Body can go either way.  On the one hand, you have Juno’s screenwriter (good).  On the other hand, people think Megan Fox can carry a movie (bad).” – Mike Evans, Rock 107 radio personality and EC/DC columnist

The Other Line: “There are widespread rumors that Megan Fox will put that body of hers on full frontal display in this. Frankly, not even the chance to see her two best assets on the big screen could pry the $8.50 out of my wallet to see this.” – Sam Falbo, actor

The Other Line: “Megan Fox plays a sexy cheerleader? I’m in!” – Randy Shemanski, e.c. Editor

The Other Line: “I will definitely see this one. It’s Megan Fox…in a cheerleader outfit…who dates, then kills and eats her boyfriends. What more could you ask for in a movie?” – Jeff Walker, 98.5 KRZ radio personality

Fame (Sept. 25) - Popcorn Bucket

Naturi Naughton, Kay Panabaker

Frasier fans, get ready to fly—high! Though this remake of the Oscar-winning musical largely features a cast of unknowns, the movie also marks a reunion of sorts for Cheers and Frasier stars Kelsey Grammer and Bebe Neuwirth (Frasier and Lillith Crane, respectively), who play instructors. Having original Fame star Debbie Allen on-board as principal Simms should also help to lure in some older viewers. In this PG-rated musical, students at New York City High School of Performing Arts (Naughton, Panabaker, et al) compete to live out their dreams. The Plus: When High School Musical 3: Senior Year hit theaters last October, the movie racked up over $90 million in the U.S. alone and grabbed the distinction for having the highest grossing opening weekend ever for a musical. Also, its soundtrack did not just go platinum in the States—it went platinum around the world. The Minus: The unknown. This movie is no High School Musical. And just weeks ago, non-HSM PG-rated teen musical Bandslam got, well, slammed at the box office.

The Other Line: “This one I refuse to see. You don’t take an excellent and serious Alan Parker movie and turn it into High School Musical 4.” – Mike Evans, Rock 107 radio personality and EC/DC columnist

Surrogates (Sept. 25) - Popcorn Bucket

Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell

Graphic novels are one of the hottest literary properties in H’Wood these days. Such adult comic books as Sin City, V for Vendetta, 300, and Watchmen have certainly made for compelling cinema over the last 5 years. Even the screenwriters behind The Dark Knight, the highest grossing and all-around best-reviewed comic book film yet, credit graphic novel Batman: The Dark Knight Returns as one of the film’s chief source materials. Now, director Jonathan Mostow (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) is bringing writer Robert Venditti and artist Brett Weldele’s The Surrogates to the big screen. In this as-yet-unrated sci-fi thriller, Willis plays a detective in a futuristic world where humans live in isolation and interact through surrogate robots…only he has to leave his home for the first time in years after a series of murders. The Plus: The players. Live action graphic novel Sin City fit Willis like a glove. If 2005’s 16 Blocks and 2007’s Live Free or Die Hard are any indication, he still has a knack for playing cops too. Radha Mitchell (Finding Neverland, Silent Hill), Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction, Out of Sight), and James Cromwell (LA Confidential, Spider-Man 3) are also on-board. The Minus: The odds. But not all comic properties are greeted by critics and moviegoers with open arms (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell).

The Other Line: “Boy, I’d be thrilled if a good-looking android would deal with the crap I have to deal with everyday.” – Marko Marcinko, professional touring performing musician; educator

The Other Line: “Humans interacting through surrogate robots? Don’t we already have that in today’s society? They’re called computers. In any case, I haven’t seen a Bruce Willis movie in years and I don’t see any reason why that would change come Sept. 25.” - Shemanski

The Other Line: “Of all the fall film releases, let me just express my jaw-dropping surprise at learning that Bruce Willis will play a detective.” – John Webster, Rock 107 radio personality

Capitalism: A Love Story (Oct. 2) - Statuette

Michael Moore

Okay, so maybe a documentary CAN save the world. Very recently, a doc called The Cove brought awareness to atrocious acts of dolphin slaughtering in the waters off Taiji, Japan. Due to all of the media attention, these atrocities were put on hold. This should come as encouraging news for humorist Michael Moore, who has taken on GM (Roger & Me) and the Bush administration (Fahrenheit 9/11) in a bid to bring truths to light. In his latest documentary, the as-yet-unrated Capitalism: A Love Story, the root causes of the global economic meltdown are examined via a comical look at the corporate and political shenanigans that Moore alleges kicked off the whole damn thing. The Plus: The player. When Moore stays on topic and chooses not to go on a vitriolic rant, his game is on—pointed and informed (Bowling for Columbine). In his last doc, he even spent less time in front of the camera, letting the issue truly take focus (Sicko). The Minus: The odds. But when he’s off, he’s off. He has publicly expressed his intention to film a follow-up to Fahrenheit 9/11, his most bitter and scattershot project yet.

The Other Line: “Michael Moore lost me a couple of movies back.  I used to be a fan.  Now he simply has an agenda…and his movies have become more and more one sided.” – Evans

The Other Line: “Moore will bring his chubby sense of humor to Wall Street. It’ll make you think and make you hungry.” - Marcinko

Shutter Island (Oct. 2) – Statuette

Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo

(Editor’s Note: Shortly before deadline, this release has been moved to Feb., 2010)

Legendary director and film scholar Martin Scorsese has brought filmgoers selections from a lot of different genres, including bio-pic (Raging Bull), comedy (The King of Comedy), crime-drama (Goodfellas), period piece (The Age of Innocence), and musical (New York, New York). With the exception of his 1991 Cape Fear remake, however, he has not dabbled much with horror…until now. In this R-rated thriller based on the novel by Dennis Lehane (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone), two U.S. marshals (DiCaprio, Ruffalo) sent to capture a violent female escapee find themselves trapped in an isolated federal institution for the criminally insane. The Plus: The players. In addition to DiCaprio (The Departed, Blood Diamond) and Ruffalo (Zodiac, Blindness), this stellar cast also includes Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast, House of Sand and Fog), Michelle Williams (Brokeback Mountain, Deception), Max von Sydow (Minority Report, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly), Emily Mortimer (Match Point, The Pink Panther), Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children, Watchmen), and Patricia Clarkson (Good Night, And Good Luck; Vicky Cristina Barcelona). The Minus: The genre. This is not Scorsese’s bread and butter, which is crime-dramas (Casino, The Departed). Whenever he strays (pitch black comedy, Bring Out the Dead), Scorsese gets mixed results.

The Other Line: “I’m sorry, I passed out from the awesomeness. What was the question?” – Falbo

The Other Line: “I absolutely LOVED both Mystic River and Gone Baby Gone, so I’ve got high expectations for this one. But I’m not a fan of Mark Ruffalo, so I’m still a bit cautious. Hope he doesn’t drag Leo down.” - Shemanski

A Serious Man (Oct. 2) - Statuette

 Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Kind

Though they have long been a favorite of critics, writer/directors Joel and Ethan Coen solidified their star with Best Picture, Best Direction, and Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar wins for 2007’s No Country for Old Men. They have always straddled genres in their best works (neo-noir crime-drama, Blood Simple; dark tragi-comedy, Fargo; period crime-thriller, Miller’s Crossing), but these brothers always include a heavy dose of humor. In the Coens’ latest, the ‘60s-set R-rated dramedy A Simple Man, a Midwestern physics professor (Stuhlbarg) struggles to find clarity in the universe when his rather normal life starts to unravel. The Plus: The players. A no-name cast aside, the Coen Brothers have given audience some of the most compelling comedies of the last 20 years (Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski, O Brother, Where Art Thou?). The decent reviews received by last year’s Burn After Reading only strengthens this record. The Minus: The odds. But they have also churned out their share of poorly received comedies as well (The Hudsucker Proxy, Intolerable Cruelty, The Ladykillers).

The Other Line: “This one I’m looking forward to the most. The Coen Brothers have NEVER let me down in the past, so I don’t see why they would start now.” – Evans

The Other Line: “Really not sure what to expect from the Coen Brothers lately, but it’s probably a safe bet this won’t be a bomb. If it’s anything like Burn After Reading, it’ll be good times at the theater for all.” – Shemanski

Couples Retreat (Oct. 9) - Popcorn Bucket

Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau

Right off of the bat, this fall offering gets brownie points with your reviewer for re-teaming Vaughn with his old friend and costar Jon Favreau. Having carved out a lil’ niche as a modern-day Lemmon and Matthau in such hilarious fare as Swingers and Made, this duo only reunited twice—for a few scenes in the comedies The Break-Up and Four Christmases. Granted, Favreau has been busy directing a teeny ole project called Iron Man 2, but the two somehow found time to work on the script to Couples Retreat. In this as-yet-unrated comedy directed by Peter (Ralphie from A Christmas Story) Billingsley, four couples (Vaughn, Malin Akerman; Favreau, Kristin Davis; Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell; Faizon Love, Tasha Smith) embark on a journey to a tropical island resort only to find that their group-rate vacation comes at the high cost of therapy. The Plus: The players. Though Favreau has limited most of his acting roles to voice work (Open Season, G-Force), Vaughn has churned out hit comedy (Old School) after hit comedy (Wedding Crashers) after hit comedy (Fred Claus). Jason Bateman (Juno, Extract) and Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Fanboys) should bring some comic wattage of their own. The Minus: The odds. Vaughn and Favreau have kept so busy that your reviewer wonders how much time was actually spent on this material. Both The Break-Up and Four Christmases did not sit well critics, mostly because of half-baked scripts.

The Other Line: “This one’s going to resemble my almost, never-gonna-happen, only-if-Hell-freezes-over honeymoon…in other words, a must-see.” - Marcinko

The Other Line: “I hadn’t heard about this one until now, but…wow! Vaughn and Favreau together always serve as a reminder of the epic Swingers. And Kristin Davis and Kristen Bell are among my favorite Hollywood starlets, so you can officially butter my popcorn and call me excited for this one!” – Shemanski

The Road (Oct. 16) - Statuette

Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron

No doubt, writer Cormac McCarthy has wowed readers (Blood Meridian, his ‘Border Trilogy’). In 2007, however, his No Country for Old Men – as adapted and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen - also wowed American filmgoers—to the tune of $74 million and a Best Picture Oscar. In this R-rated adaptation of his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, director John Hillcoat (The Proposition) presents the epic tale of a father and son’s (Mortensen, Kodi Smit-McPhee) journey across a barren post-Apocalyptic landscape that was laid waste to by an unnamed cataclysm. The Plus: The players. McCarthy is one matter, but the industry players involved are another altogether. The brilliant Australian western The Proposition was one of 2006’s most over-looked films. Hillcoat’s stark aesthetics should paint the perfect picture for this landscape. Also, Mortensen became a bone fide movie star with The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but gained considerable critical plaudits with A History of Violence and Eastern Promises, which only increases this picture’s Oscar potential. The Minus: The material. McCarthy hasn’t always translated well to the screen (All the Pretty Horses). Also, the film failed to meet the original deadline its studio, Dimension, had set—November, 2008. Hillcoat publicly stated that the film simply wasn’t ready for release. Some insiders, however, have taken this delay as an indication that the studio was worried as to The Road’s bleak tone and how it will fare with audiences.

The Other Line: “Esquire has called this “the most important movie of the year” and not that I put a ton of stock in Esquire’s opinion, but that endorsement made me really curious about this movie.  The more I read and see about it, the more I can’t wait for this movie.  Look at the pedigree: John Hillcoat (The Proposition) directs Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings) in a film inspired by a Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men) novel with music by Nick Cave!  AND instead of using CGI to establish the post-apocalyptic feel needed for the movie they used actual locations, what a novel approach to filmmaking.  You know, I might have to retract some of the nasty things I’ve said about Esquire over the years.” – Falbo

Where the Wild Things Are (Oct. 16) - Statuette

Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo

Truly, Spike Jonze has wowed audiences with the unordinary before. This former music video director with an offbeat style (“Sabotage,” The Beastie Boys; “Buddy Holy,” Weezer) turned heads in H’Wood by tapping into an actor’s brain—literally (Being John Malkovich). For his next project, Jonze adapted Susan Orlean’s book The Orchid Thief into the story of a screenwriter struggling with writer’s block and mediocrity (Adaptation). Now, he is taking a 10-page piece of kid-lit and turning it into a full-length feature film. In Spike Jonze’s PG-rated adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s book, a rambunctious and sensitive boy (Max Records) escapes to a mysterious island full of strange creatures (voices of James Gandolfini, Forest Whitaker) where he is king. The Plus: The players. Jonze – who was the first director to bring offbeat screenwriter Charlie Kaufman (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) to the screen – has n eye for talent. In addition to Keener (Into the Wild), Ruffalo (Shutter Island), Gandolfini (The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3), and Whitaker (Vantage Point), he has cast Michele Williams (I’m Not There), Catherine O’Hara (Away We Go), and Paul Dano (There Will be Blood), and Chris Cooper (Breach). Best yet, he has tapped The Jim Henson Creature Shop to create Sendak’s monsters. The Minus: The unknown. Reportedly, Warner Brothers was not happy with Jonze’s first cut and ordered extensive reshoots. Though this rumor was shot down, it does raise some concerns as to the adaptation.

The Other Line: “Wildly imaginative—there’ll be so many things to contemplate.” - Marcinko

Amelia (Oct. 23) - Statuette

Hilary Swank, Richard Gere

It seems almost improbable that H’Wood hasn’t tapped the life of famed flyer Amelia Earhart for a bio-pic yet. Though Howard Hughes got the big screen treatment from no less than Martin Scorsese in 2004 (The Aviator with Leonardo DiCario), Charles Lindbergh’s story – as written by Billy Wilder - hit theaters way back in 1957 (The Spirit of St. Louis with James Stewart). Better late than never, they say…especially when you consider the players, dear readers. From director Mira Nair (Monsoon Wedding, The Namesake) comes this PG-rated bio-pic of larger-than-life aviator Amelia Earhart (Swank), whose flights and loves (Gere, Ewan McGregor) made her a global phenomenon. The Plus: The players. Swank is a two-time Oscar winner (Boys Don’t Cry, Million Dollar Baby). Gere is a Golden Globe winner (Chicago). McGregor (Trainspotting, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith) is certainly due recognition from either award. As director, Nair has amassed a respectable resume as well. The Minus: The rating. But PG?! It doesn’t look like this will be much of a warts-n-all bio-pic.

The Other Line: “4 out of 5 dentists recommend this movie.  Of course, that’s because ol’ Toothy, Hilary Swank, is their best customer. And I’m sure this film will be putting dentist’s great-grandchildren through college as it will probably be saccharine-sweet enough to rot the teeth out of your head about half way through.” - Falbo

Disney’s A Christmas Carol (Nov. 6) - Popcorn Bucket

Voices of Jim Carrey, Bob Hoskins

Second only to Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Charles Dickens’ novella A Christmas Carol is the literary work that has received the most big-screen treatments. While the 1938 version starring Reginald Owen, the 1957 version starring Alastair Sim, and the 1984 TV-movie version starring George C. Scott remain noted favorites among filmgoers, a slew of other versions in all sorts of genres to keep miser Ebenezer Scrooge firmly planted in popular culture. There are also the 1970 Albert Finney musical Scrooge, the 1988 Bill Murray comedy Scrooged, and the 1992 kid-friendly Muppet Christmas Carol—just to name a few. In this 3-D G-rated all-animated version of Charles Dickens’s perennial favorite directed by Robert Zemeckis, Carrey pulls quadruple duty, voicing Ebenezer Scrooge and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Christopher Lloyd provides the voice of Marley’s Ghost, while Robin Wright Penn, Colin Firth, and Gary Oldman are also providing their pipes. The Plus: The players. Carrey is good at making audiences laugh (Bruce Almighty, Yes Man) and has done well-regarded family friendly work before (Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events). Also, Zemeckis is an Oscar winner (Forrest Gump) with an audience-friendly resume to beat the band (Who Famed Roger Rabbit?, Back to the Future). The Minus: The medium. For better or worse, Zemeckis has been down this computer-animated road before (The Polar Express, Beowulf) and though the SFX work has gotten better, there has come the critical backlash that the characters look far from lifelike…and Beowulf’s lackluster B.O. grosses may reflect this.

The Other Line: “I saw a preview for this a few weeks back and it looked pretty darn cool. I’ve seen A Christmas Carol in so many different forms that it’s become quite old to me, but this appears to have potential.” - Shemanski

2012 (Nov. 13) - Popcorn Bucket

John Cusack, Amanda Peet

Though he passed away in 1991, The Poseidon Adventure producer Irwin Allen strangely lives on…at least in spirit, thanks to the disaster movie epics put out by producer Dean Devlin and director Roland Emmerich. Just as Allen tapped into the ‘70s zeitgeist with the shake-n-bake box office sensations The Towering Inferno and Earthquake!, Devlin and Emmerich are channeling a similar disaster-driven - and usually critically derided - formula for success (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow). In their latest, not surprisingly an as-yet-unrated disaster drama, a global cataclysm predicted by the Mayan calendar brings an end to the world, beginning a heroic struggle for the survivors (Cusask, Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor). The Plus: The players. John Cusack (Identity, 1408) and Amanda Peet (The Whole Nine Yards, Something’s Gotta Give) are only the start. Chiwetel Jjiofor (Inside Man), Woody Harrelson (No Country for Old Men), Thandie Newton (RocknRolla), Danny Glover (Dreamgirls), Oliver Platt (Frost/Nixon) and George Segel (A Touch of Class) are also down with the disaster. The Minus: The formula. Though 10,000 BC did kinda/sorta well at the U.S. box office ($94 million and change), it was a far drop below Devlin and Emmerich’s picture before, The Day After Tomorrow ($186 million and change). By the looks of the SFX involved, 2012 was not cheap to produce…and will have to open big to recoup Warner Brothers’ nut.

The Other Line: “The first 25 minutes of 2012 will be awesome (when everything is going to shit). The rest will be melodramatic gobbledy-gook.” –Evans

The Other Line: “Could someone please find John Cusack a role he really deserves? PLEASE! And who was behind the ridiculous ad campaign where they do a fake commercial about the end of the world?  It’s not funny, not interesting, not scar.  It’s just plain lame. Who am I kidding?  It’s a disaster movie, I’ll see it.” – Falbo

The Other Line: “Another movie about a global disaster? Yawn.” - Shemanski

The Other Line: “I like Amanda Peet and I want to like 2012 but I get the impression it’s going to be a bigger disaster than the one it’s about.” –Webster

The Fantastic Mr. Fox (Nov. 13) - Statuette

Voices of George Clooney, Meryl Streep

Through critically hailed gems such as Bottle Rocket, The Royal Tenenbaums, and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, writer/director Wes Anderson’s unique vision has transcended to filmgoers the world over. Now, he is using stop motion-animation and a screenplay by Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) to adapt a classic children’s book by Roald Dahl (Harold and the Purple Crayon, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). In this PG-rated family film, director Anderson (Rushmore, The Darjeeling Limited) brings his unique vision to the story of husband and wife foxes (Clooney, Streep) who dig their way out of trouble after some local farmers set out to get rid of them. The Plus: The players. Beyond George Clooney (Michael Clayton) and Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia), Anderson has lined up Bill Murray (Lost in Translation), Jason Schwartzman (Funny People), Owen Wilson (Marley & Me), Adrien Brody (The Pianist), and Michael Gambon (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince), and Willem Dafoe (Spider-Man). Best yet, Anderson has used the team behind Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride to do the stop animation. The Minus: The medium. Animation is not Anderson’s field and he has used mostly American voices to bring a Britain-set story with British characters to life. Hmmm.

The Other Line: “Seems to me that we’re returning to animated features that appeal to adults and kids lately and from what I’ve seen this is going to be fun for everyone. Wes Anderson + Bill Murray has yielded gold before. Add George Clooney as a talking fox? How can it go wrong?” – Kyle Brannon, writer/director, Still (www.richlier.com); associate professor, American University

The Other Line: “Kind of genius, isn’t it?  I mean, when you think of George Clooney as a cartoon animal, isn’t it a fox?  And I’m interested to see how Wes Anderson’s style translates to an actual animated movie as opposed to infusing animation qualities into live-action films.  But as far as I’m concerned, Clooney and Streep lending their pipes to kiddie fodder just seems out of place, like Sarah Palin at a NARAL rally.”  – Falbo

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Nov. 20) - Popcorn Bucket

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson

If you have been to a shopping mall or bookstore over the last year, dear readers, you have probably seen movie stills from Twilight plastered on anything that had remained still long enough to be plastered upon—notebooks, lunch boxes, dolls, calendars. Four vampire-themed young adult books by Stephanie Meyer have not just spun a movie series, they have spawned a marketing juggernaut once the first movie unexpectedly did booming business (in the U.S., nearly $200 million on a budget of $37 million). This November, young ‘uns will be eager to see the PG-13-rated sequel, in which a young woman (Stewart) devastated by the departure of her vampire love (Pattinson) finds solace in the arms of a friend from a tribe of werewolves (Taylor Lautner). The Plus: The franchise. Now under the eye of director Chris Weitz (American Pie, About a Boy), who has experience in the realm of slick, H’Wood, SFX fantasy (The Golden Compass), the franchise should garner even more converts. The direction of Catherine Hardwicke was a sticking point for your director (“The action…plays off more like West Side Story than Bram Stoker’s Dracula, proving about as scary as a trip to a Red Cross blood drive.”). The Minus: The scuttle. Immediately after directing the mega-hit Twilight, Hardwicke leaves what seems like a winning lottery ticket. Then, actress Bryce Dallas Howard replaces Rachelle Lefevre as the character ‘Victoria’ in the next movie, New Moon. This could spell trouble for Summit’s franchise.

The Other Line: “New moon…full moon…half moon…quarter moon…it’s all the same to me.” - Marcinko

The Other Line: “Ugh, not more vampires.” - Shemanski

The Other Line: “And if I’m right about 2012, I’ll be so saddened that I’ll intend to seek solace in the arms of a friend from a tribe of werewolves.” - Webster

Please also keep an eye out for: Love Happens (Sept. 18), Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (Sept. 18), The Invention of Lying (Sept. 25), Whip It (Oct. 9), Zombieland (Oct. 9), New York, I Love You (Oct. 16), The Stepfather (Oct. 16), Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (Oct. 25), The Box (Nov. 6), and The Men Who Stare at Goats (Nov. 6).

Previews (Opening this Weekend):

All About Steve

Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper

Forget the lure of go-to rom-com star Sandra Bullock (While You Were Sleeping, Hope Floats, Forces of Nature, Two Weeks Notice). Tabloid fixture Bradley Cooper (Has he chosen Jennifer Aniston or Renee Zellweger in his love life—stay tuned?) may prove to be the biggest draw for moviegoers this weekend. Before cameras finished rolling on All About Steve, Cooper had not yet been cast in The Hangover. This particular movie, of course, went on to become the highest-grossing R-rated comedy of all time, so audiences will be curious as to his follow-up. In her and his latest, this PG-13-rated screwball comedy, Bullock falls head over heels for Cooper’s TV newsman after one blind date and follows him and his crew (Thomas Hayden Church, Ken Jeong) around the country to win his love. The Plus: The players. Not only is Bullock still burning hot from the recent success of rom-com The Proposal, she is also serving as producer on her latest. Also, this is Cooper’s follow-up to The Hangover, yes…but he also caught filmgoers’ attention in last year’s rom-com ensemble He’s Just Not That Into You. The Minus: The odds. One weekend…three high-profile debuts. Even though All About Steve is the only romantic comedy on the docket (and PG-13-rated movie to boot), Extract and Gamer could certainly thin out its audience.

Extract

Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis

To 30-something slackers (former or current), Mike Judge’s ‘90s TV cartoon phenomenon Beavis and Butt-Head may very well still appeal to their inner rebellious child. It was Judge’s cult film favorite Office Space, however, which probably struck an adult nerve in this MTV Generation as they grew up. Though this worker drone comedy failed to wow at the box office, it became a home video underground hit—selling over 6 million DVDs. Though his animated Fox comedy King of the Hill ended on a high note (11 seasons—not too shabby!), Judge’s last film, 2006’s Idiocracy, never even registered on the box office radar. Judge hopes to return to form with the R-rated comedy Extract, in which a flower plant extract owner (Bateman) deals with workplace issues and a string of bad luck, including his wife’s (Kristen Wiig) affair with a gigolo. The Plus: The players. Judge’s cast includes Bateman (Hancock, TV’s Arrested Development), Kunis (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Max Payne), Wiig (TV’s Saturday Night Live), Ben Affleck (He’s Just Not That Into You, State of Play), and J.K. Simmons (Spider-Man, Juno). The Minus: The competition. Even though The Hangover recently broke box office records, Miramax’s Extract may not attract these same audiences with its smaller (read: indie) marketing budget.

Gamer

Gerald Butler, Amber Valletta

After the lackluster grosses of Crank: High Voltage, the dubious future of the Jason Statham-starring Crank series is anyone’s guess in H’Wood (the second movie baited moviegoers into yet another sequel). Still, this setback is not keeping writer/directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor down. No, this twosome has kept busy adapting cult comic book Jonah Hex for director Jimmy Hayward and writing/directing this blood-splattering thriller. In the R-rated actioner Gamer, Butler stars as a futuristic gladiator imprisoned against his will in an ultra-violent mind-controlled first-person shooter game. The Plus: The players. After the blockbuster success of 300, Butler wowed critics with RocknRolla and wowed audiences with The Ugly Truth. Amber Valletta (Hitch, Transporter 2) and Kyra Sedgwick (The Game Plan, TV’s The Closer) are joining him. The Minus: The timing. The summer blockbuster season is over now that the kids are headed back to school and the adults are headed back from vacation…so what’s with this R-rated action flick opening on the busy Labor Day weekend?

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

The Final Destination: Death Trip

Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten

Pretty people dying. While this is a common daydream of your reviewer, it may not appeal to all moviegoers. For the rest, however, there’s THE Final Destination. Your reviewer has never feasted upon the Z-grade ridiculousness that is Final Destination and its sequels (whether it be Citizens on Patrol or Electric Boogaloo), but he was able to piece together this franchise’s rickety semblance of a story in time to watch the CG blood-n-guts splatter all over a ready-n-willing audience…to what end, he will never know. The suspense of the build-up was almost heart-stopping (especially in 3-D), but the execution (please do not pardon the expression) was almost video game-like…as in Contra NES graphics, circa 1988. 

In this three-dimensional R-rated gross-out (also available in 2-D), a group of friends (Campo, VanSanten, et al) survive a horrific ordeal only to get killed off one-by-one in increasingly gruesome ways.

A vexed young man has visions of death-capades and races to stop them from coming true. That pretty much sums up this 90 minutes blown to all Hell. It is a gratuitous excuse for director David R. Ellis to merge the America’s Funniest Video-style hokum of Faces of Death with the cunning technology that dubiously made Jaws 3-D blockbuster entertainment back in 1982. He accomplishes this, but not without sacrificing a piece of all of our ever-living souls. He sets it up only to either throw away the moment (elevator of terror) or ignite the action (messy Nascar lap)..,to the dubious delight of moviegoers checking themselves for gray matter.  

Down-to-the-Wire: Destination unknown.

Halloween II

Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell

There is a bold film by a noteworthy director whose frenzied and often psychedelic style serves to point up our media-induced society’s blood-drenched fascination with serial killings. Moviegoers can find it in their local or online video store under the title Natural Born Killers. With the latest Halloween II (because yes, there is another one from 1981), they are left with an unapologetically grisly and laughable flick that masquerades as murder porn. Worse, it puts viewers through dimestore armchair psychology involving visions of the serial killer’s inner child, the director’s wife, and an unfortunate white horse that must have wandered into the shot. This is not psycho-babble—this is psycho-bubblegum…and it plays out about as well as the first craptastic Halloween sequels did back in the day.

In this R-rated sequel, Michael Myers’ (Mane) murderous rampage continues…with his sister (Scout Taylor-Compton) seemingly dead in his sights.

If John Carpenter directed Twin Peaks or David Lynch directed Halloween, it would probably look a lot like this indulgent mess. In 2007, your reviewer gave this sequel’s predecessor one plaudit (“the concentration on providing a back-story to silent maniac Meyers makes for somewhat compelling cinema”), but he also faulted how distracting the flood of Karo syrup proved to be. Director Rob Zombie handles the suspense and thrills in good measure, but his blood-lust is so excessive that it becomes downright silly, not scary. Putting slasher movie icon Michael Myers on the shrink’s couch with John Q. Moviegoer acting as psychologist, however, is just bloody awful cinema.

Down-to-the-Wire: Tainted Trick-or-Treat candy.

Taking Woodstock

Demetri Martin, Imelda Staunton

In this R-rated fact-based account, a young man trying to revitalize his parent’s Catskills motel (Martin) inadvertently sets in motion the generation-defining summer of ’69 concert. Though the Zeitgeist tent-pole known as Woodstock certainly deserves epic attention, this cutesy and folksy dramedy does not. There are great moments that endear this memoir adaptation to your reviewer, an unapologetic rock history nut. He knows of no other film – other than Michael Wadleigh’s legendary concert film – that perfectly summons up that electric eclectic atmosphere of what attending Woodstock must have been like. As director Ang Lee expands its reach from documenting the often comical true events described above to becoming a sprawling coming-of-age story, however, the film takes the brown acid, becoming a long strange trip that takes itself way too seriously.

Down-to-the-Wire: Take it or leaf it.

(500) Days of Summer

Zooey Deschanel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt

In this intelligent and refreshing PG-13-rated romantic comedy, a no-holds-bar year and a half love affair between a young couple (Deschanel, Gordon-Levitt) is uniquely dissected for viewers as a non-linear turn-of-events. The ‘square’ comparison in Pulp Fiction, the animated fish in The Life Aquatic, the breadth of Amelie..,these were brave and – ultimately -whimsically enchanting risks taken by their respective directors. Director Marc Webb deserves ample credit for delivering a barbed-wire Valentine romance rife with moments like those described above. It helps that the cast is stocked with such ably game players as Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt—two crazy kids so legitimately smitten and, then, unsmitten with each other that filmgoers may see fit to bill their insurance companies for the therapy session.

Down-to-the-Wire: Summer of L-O-V-E.

District 9

Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope

In this R-rated sci-fi tale, problems arise when alien refugees in South Africa are forcibly moved to another encampment by a hapless bureaucrat (Copley). Following in the footsteps of movies that have made both creature features and in-the-moment thrillers seem starkly real (*Rec, Cloverfield), District 9 initially comes across as more of the same…but District’s story is so much more intelligent and its thrills compelling. If District 9 seems plausible, most of the credit goes to writer/director Neill Blomkamp’s politically charged South Africa-set script. But much of the movie’s success is also due to the movie playing out like a faux documentary. When it goes from doc-like to simply a hand-held doc-feel early on, however, it loses some of its edge.

Down-to-the-Wire: Beam it up.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum

In this PG-13-rated cheese platter, an elite covert military organization (Quaid, Tatum, Marlon Wayans) travels the world to battle a mysterious terrorist operation called Cobra (Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston). Well, what do filmgoers expect from a $170 million movie based on a 3 and a half inch-tall tall action figure? There is no denying G.I. Joe’s entertainment factor. Thankfully for the kid in all of us, the story smacks of make believe, the cast chews the scenery, IQs drop, and all involved are somehow baited into an obligatory sequel. Somewhere along the way, however, the adult reality sets in that G.I. Joe - with its overblown terrorist ass-kicking in Paris and randy soldiers - has become the punchline to the joke that Team America: World Police set up.

Down-to-the-Wire: More zero than hero.

Inglourious Basterds

Brad Pitt, Eli Roth

In this bloody damn good R-rated war flick, Lieutenant Aldo Raine (Pitt) leads an unscrupulous team of Jewish-American Nazi hunters (Roth, B.J. Novack) into German-occupied France. With such a gloriously misspelled title, filmgoers should march into the theater fully expecting an off-kilter war film, but Basterds truly measures up to some of filmdom’s greatest WWII pictures in terms of action and chatter. Christoph Waltz’s portrayal of an unscrupulously brutal and opportunistic Nazi, however, will court Oscar come February—as will the film itself now that the Best Picture category has been extended to 10 selections. Tarantino’s audacious ending will surely cause some head scratching among audiences, but the suspenseful shots (especially the Paris-set movie premiere) and intelligent dialogue (especially the tavern-set face-off) is gloriously keen cinema.

Down-to-the-Wire: Basterdly good.

Julie & Julia

Meryl Streep, Amy Adams

In this PG-13-rated comedy famed chef Julia Child (Streep) and a young blogger (Adams) who embarks on a culinary quest to cook all 524 recipes from Childs’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year. In a summer where killer robots from outer space and live action action figures have failed miserably to entertain the Bejesus out of your chauvinistic reviewer, leave it to this chick flick to pick up the slack. Meryl Streep nails the specific eccentricities of Julia Child with such precision that her turn does not come off as imitation—just uncannily spot-on. The other star performance comes courtesy of writer/director Nora Ephron for pulling these dueling storylines together in such an entertaining– though not always seamless or breezy - fashion.

Down-to-the-Wire: Bon appetit.

Previews (Opening this Weekend):

Final Destination: Death Trip

Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten

For those readers whose lives are mundane enough to keep track of such things, this is the 4^th movie in the critically panned but commercially adored Final Destination series. Now that the series is back in the hands of Final Destination 2 helmer David R. Ellis (Cellular, Snakes on a Plane), the thrills - and producers are promising that this chapter will be the goriest yet - will come at filmgoers in high definition 3-D. In this three-dimensional R-rated gross-out (also available in 2-D), a group of friends (Campo, VanSanten, et al) survive a horrific ordeal only to get killed off one-by-one in increasingly gruesome ways. The Plus: The series. These movies have always turned a healthy profit. The last go-round, Final Destination 3, earned over $54 million at the U.S. box office…with a cast of unknowns to boot. The Minus: The odds. HD 3-D technology is a large selling point with this particular movie and many theaters nationwide have appropriated the equipment with which to exhibit this gimmick…but these select locations charge a higher fee and schedule fewer screenings to accommodate such technology. Pitted against Halloween II (same rating, same genre, bigger draw), Death Trip may find its grosses dispersing across the 8^th dimension.

Halloween II

Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell

Though 2007’s Halloween was a re-imagining of John Carpenter’s 1978 modern slasher classic, the new Halloween II is not a remake of the original’s 1981 sequel, which was in turn followed by Season of the Witch, The Return of Michael Myers, The Revenge of Michael Myers, The Curse of Michael Myers, H2O: 20 Years Later, and Resurrection. No, THIS sequel stems directly from the mind of writer/director/musician Rob Zombie and focuses on the traumatized mind of Michael Myers’s sister Laurie. In this R-rated sequel, Michael Myers’ murderous rampage continues…with his sister (Danielle Harris) seemingly dead in his sights. The Plus: The material. With the release of Halloween in 2007, Zombie broke Labor Day Weekend records at the box office. The Minus: The competition. Beyond these new releases (both R rated horror flicks), the Multiplex is already chocked full of PG-13-rated blockbusters to contend with (G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra, District 9, Inglourious Basterds).

Taking Woodstock

Demetri Martin, Imelda Staunton

Being Ang Lee must be a heavy gig. The director behind the ultra serious The Ice Storm, Brokeback Mountain, and Chinese language Lust, Caution has lightened up in the past (his breakthrough films Eat Drink Man Woman and Sense and Sensibility were dramas, albeit less serious), but even his one comic book movie was a somewhat heavy affair (2003’s The Hulk). This may explain Lee’s decision to base his next film on Elliot Tiber’s often humorous memoir, Taking Woodstock: A True Story of a Riot, a Concert, and a Life. In this R-rated fact-based account, a young man (Martin) inadvertently sets in motion the generation-defining summer of ’69 concert when he tries to revitalize his parent’s Catskills motel. The Plus: The players. Lee wowed Oscar with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. With his latest, he has stacked the deck with Martin (TV’s The Daily Show), Staunton (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix), Emile Hirsch (Milk), Liev Schreiber (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Eugene Levy (Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian), Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen), and Paul Dano (There Will be Blood). The Minus: The timing. It is not quite award time yet and the blockbuster season is pretty much over. Unless you happen to be named Tarantino (as in the director of last week’s number one film, Inglourious Basterds), late August is somewhat of a dead zone for indies.

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

Inglourious Basterds

Brad Pitt, Eli Roth

With such a gloriously misspelled title, filmgoers should march into the theater fully expecting an off-kilter war film—especially when it comes from the auteur behind a heist caper where no one sees the robbery (Reservoir Dogs), a two-part chop-socky love letter (Kill Bill, Vol.1 and 2), and a white man’s blaxploitation flick (Jackie Brown). Aside from a decade-bending soundtrack and a commencement channeling an alternate reality, however, this bloody damn good war flick truly measures up to some of filmdom’s greatest WWII pictures in terms of action and chatter (The Dirty Dozen, Saving Private Ryan). Granted, your reviewer is an unabashed fan of writer/director/raconteur Quentin Tarantino, but this never stopped him from taking the piss out of his Grindhouse thriller Death Proof’s theatrical release (“ultimately terrorizes filmgoers by talking them to death”). 

In this R-rated film, Lieutenant Aldo Raine (Pitt) leads an unscrupulous team of Jewish-American Nazi hunters (Roth, B.J. Novack) into German-occupied France.

Just as he evidenced in 12 Monkeys, Fight Club, and Snatch, Brad Pitt is more at home playing quirky main characters as opposed to handsome leading men. His hillbilly lieutenant is among the best examples of this yet. Christoph Waltz’s portrayal of an unscrupulously brutal and opportunistic Nazi, however, will court Oscar come February—as will the film itself now that the Best Picture category has been extended to 10 selections. Tarantino’s audacious ending will surely cause some head scratching among audiences, but the suspenseful shots (especially the Paris-set movie premiere) and intelligent dialogue (especially the tavern-set face-off) is gloriously keen cinema.

Down-to-the-Wire: Basterdly good.

(500) Days of Summer

Zooey Deschanel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Decisions, decisions, decisions. As a filmmaker, your reviewer not only takes in new releases for his potential audience’s edification and delight—he also considers the choices that his fellow artists have made. Shot composition, editing, taking ballsy chances. Occasionally, a film rolls around that hits all of the right notes with this persnickety critic. The bittersweet and sweetly bitter (500) Days of Summer proves to be one of them, a flick putting a boy-meets-girl story out there with non-linear turns of the pages of both love and unlove. It damn well works…but only because the director understands the material and had the moxie to try some intelligent and refreshing approaches in the face of how crappily unreal most relationship movies tend to be (He’s Just Not That into You, The Ugly Truth).

In this PG-13-rated romantic comedy, a no-holds-bar year and a half love affair between a young couple (Deschanel, Gordon-Levitt) is uniquely dissected for viewers. 500 days – from meeting at work until the film’s ending – play out-of-sequence.

The ‘square’ comparison in Pulp Fiction, the animated fish in The Life Aquatic, the breadth of Amelie..,these were brave and mostly unproven chances taken by their respective director. Marc Webb deserves ample credit for delivering a barbed-wire Valentine romance rife with moments so eerily real that viewers may need therapy to progress beyond the popcorn level. It helps that the cast is stocked with such ably game players as Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt—two crazy kids so legitimately smitten with each other on film that it may make filmgoers retch with emotion.

Down-to-the-Wire: Summer of L-O-V-E.

District 9

Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope

In this R-rated sci-fi tale, problems arise when alien refugees in South Africa are forcibly moved to another encampment by a hapless bureaucrat (Copley). Following in the footsteps of movies that have made both creature features and in-the-moment thrillers seem starkly real (*Rec, Cloverfield), District 9 initially comes across as more of the same…but District’s story is so much more intelligent and its thrills compelling. If District 9 seems plausible, most of the credit goes to writer/director Neill Blomkamp’s politically charged South Africa-set script. But much of the movie’s success is also due to the movie playing out like a faux documentary. When it goes from doc-like to simply a hand-held doc-feel early on, however, it loses some of its edge.

Down-to-the-Wire: Beam it up.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum

In this PG-13-rated cheese platter, an elite covert military organization (Quaid, Tatum, Marlon Wayans) travels the world to battle a mysterious terrorist operation called Cobra (Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston). Well, what do filmgoers expect from a $170 million movie based on a 3 and a half inch-tall tall action figure? There is no denying G.I. Joe’s entertainment factor. Thankfully for the kid in all of us, the story smacks of make believe, the cast chews the scenery, IQs drop, and all involved are somehow baited into an obligatory sequel. Somewhere along the way, however, the adult reality sets in that G.I. Joe - with its overblown terrorist ass-kicking in Paris and randy soldiers - has become the punchline to the joke that Team America: World Police set up.

Down-to-the-Wire: More zero than hero.

The Hangover

Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms

In this R-rated comedy, four friends (Cooper, Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha) head to Las Vegas for a raucous bachelor party only to wake up the next morning with a baby, a tiger, and Mike Tyson in their hotel room…but no groom. Chock full of brilliantly played bits, laugh-riot The Hangover hammers home the point that it takes a good degree of intelligence to make (and enjoy) a great low comedy. The set-up is simple, but what results is classic ‘boys will be boys’ monkey business. The movie begins to feel long as it winds into the home stretch, but viewers will be too busy mopping up the embarrassing damp spot where they wet themselves laughing to take proper notice.

Down-to-the-Wire: Hang 10.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Daniel Radcliffe, Ralph Fiennes

In PG-rated Half-Blood Prince, another year at the Horwarts wizard school convenes under the looming threat of Lord Voldemort’s (Fiennes) return. The worst that can be said of the latest go-round is that this more character-driven chapter lacks the action punch of previous installments…but that, of course, is strictly due to another plaudit: the series’ loyalty to J.K. Rowlings’s novels. Continuing helming duties from Order of the Phoenix, director David Yates has bathed the movie not so much in darkness, but colorlessness. To offset the dark cinematography, however, this chapter imbues the ebb and flow of the narrative with some truly colorful moments (moments largely missing in Phoenix). Humor abounds in this touching flick and the love lives of the principle characters cushion the ending’s crushing blow.

Down-to-the-Wire: Princely fun.

Julie & Julia

Meryl Streep, Amy Adams

In this PG-13-rated comedy famed chef Julia Child (Streep) and a young blogger (Adams) who embarks on a culinary quest to cook all 524 recipes from Childs’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year. In a summer where killer robots from outer space and live action action figures have failed miserably to entertain the Bejesus out of your chauvinistic reviewer, leave it to this chick flick to pick up the slack. Meryl Streep nails the specific eccentricities of Julia Child with such precision that her turn does not come off as imitation—just uncannily spot-on. The other star performance comes courtesy of writer/director Nora Ephron for pulling these dueling storylines together in such an entertaining– though not always seamless or breezy - fashion.

Down-to-the-Wire: Bon appetit.

The Time Traveler’s Wife

Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams

In this PG-13-rated romantic-drama, a couple (Bana, McAdams) grapples with a genetic anomaly that causes him to skip back and forth through time. This pretty and sometimes movie is interesting, but mostly in the way that it makes you want to Quantum Leap back and slip between two book covers. Bana and McAdams have a definite chemistry. Also, director Robert Schwentke makes some slick choices that make for one fine-looking flick. The movie, however, is too H’Wood to be anything other than pre-packaged smarm. Audrey Neffenegger’s novel posits Chrono-Displacement as the B.S. that makes the man slip within his own lifetime. As creative as this device is in print, the saccharine adaptation barely touches upon the fascinating layers beneath, giving way to auto-piloted fluff.

Down-to-the-Wire: Time out.

Previews (Opening this Weekend):

Bandslam

Vanessa Hudgens, Alyson Michalka

Now that Disney has designs on featuring a new generation of talent in their highly successful High School Musical series (the 4^th installment, High School Musical: East Meets West, is scheduled to debut on the Disney Channel in 2010), the filmic future of its now-graduated original stars is anyone’s guess. For her first solo effort, Vanessa Hudgens is sticking to familiar ground with the musical-drama Bandslam. Joining her are Alyson Michalka of pop duo Aly and AJ and Friends alum Lisa Kudrow. In this PG-rated movie, Hudgens becomes part of a group of high school misfits (Michalka, Gaelan Connell) who begin a fledgling rock band to compete in the ultimate battle of the bands. The Plus: The material. When High School Musical 3: Senior Year hit theaters last October, the movie racked up over $90 million in the U.S. alone and grabbed the distinction for having the highest grossing opening weekend ever for a musical. Also, its soundtrack did not just go platinum in the States—it went platinum around the world. The Minus: The unknown. This movie is no High School Musical…or even a Disney property for that matter.

District 9

Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope

Following the commencement of the blockbusting and Oscar-winning The Lord of the Rings trilogy and a hit remake of King Kong, director Peter Jackson pretty much got first crack at H’Wood’s hottest properties before committing to produce The Hobbit. His decision? Direct an adaptation of Alice Sebold’s New York Times bestseller The Lovely Bones, co-direct a partially animated Tintin trilogy with Steven Spielberg, and produce this documentary-style thriller for director Neill Blomkamp. From Jackson comes this R-rated cerebral sci-fi tale about alien refugees in South Africa who hold the key to a mysterious, powerful secret. The Plus: The players. Jackson originally hired Blomkamp to direct a big screen version of the hit video game Halo (no small feat given the reported budget was fast reaching the $200 million mark). When Halo fell through, however, Jackson saw potential in Blomkamp’s impressive short film District 9 going feature length. A successful Internet viral campaign will certainly help reel in key demographics. The Minus: The competition. The box office is already crowded with proven earners (G.I. Joe, Harry Potter) and approaching the end of the summer to boot, so the prospects of an R-rated (which will exclude the teen set) thinly veiled take on Apartheid (which makes it more than your average popcorn blockbuster) are anyone’s guess.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames

From producers and funnyordie.com founders Will Ferrell (actor, Blades of Glory; Semi Pro) and Adam McCay (director, Anchorman; Step Brothers) comes this raunchy comedy starring Jeremy Piven, the Emmy-winning star of HBO’s Entourage. In this R-rated comedy, a hard-living salesman (Piven) and his ragtag crew (Rhames, et al) are hired to save an ailing car dealership. The Plus: The players. Not only are Ferrell, McCay, and Piven involved—this movie also stars a roster of comedy stars including David Koechner (Get Smart), Tony Hale (TV’s Arrested Development), Ed Helms (The Hangover), James Brolin (Last Chance Harvey), and Alan Thicke (TV’s Growing Pains). The Minus: The competition. This lil’ comedy is opening in limited release through Paramount Vantage (Paramount’s independent house), which means that it is really a contender against the blockbusters already playing on over 2,000 screens.

Ponyo

Voices of Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon

From Hayao Miyazaki, the landmark Japanese animator of Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and Howl’s Moving Castle comes this G-rated fantasy. In the animated Ponyo, a 5 year-old boy (voice of Noah Cyrus) befriends a princess goldfish (Blanchett) who longs to be human. Ths Plus: The players. Miyazak is a legend, yes, but he has the help of an American counterpart, Pixar head John Lasseter (director, Toy Story; Cars), to direct American talent including Blanchett, Damon, Tina Fey, Liam Neeson, and Betty White. The Minus: The odds. The producers aren’t expecting Pixar-sized numbers, but this lil’ fish will easily get eaten up in the already crowded big pond at the summer box office.

The Time Traveler’s Wife

Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams

Aussie Eric Bana might have begun his career as a stand-up comedian in his native Melbourne, but his breakthrough performance was far from a laughing matter. In the hard-hitting crime-drama Chopper, he expanded his CV considerably (and attracted the attention of director Ridley Scott, who cast him in the gritty war drama Black Hawk Down). Though other serious roles would follow (including wannabe swords-and-sandals epic Troy and Steven Spielberg’s controversial Munich), Bana truly made a name himself for better (Star Trek) and worse (The Hulk) in two popcorn franchises. His latest is based on Audrey Niffenegger’s 2003 best-selling tear-jerker. In this PG-13-rated romantic-drama, a couple (Bana, McAdams) grapples with a genetic anomaly that causes him to skip back and forth through time. The Plus: The players. Bana has box office appeal, but McAdams brings her own clout to the space-time continuum (The Notebook, Wedding Crashers, the upcoming Sherlock Holmes). Also, the award-winning source material by Neffenegger has – as of 2009 – sold over 2.5 million copies in the U.S. and U.K. The Minus: The odds. The blockbuster summer season is grinding to a halt and the award-baiting fall season has not officially kicked off yet…does this anomaly really fit into the August release schedule?

Reviews (Now in Theaters):

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum

Q: What do expect from a $170 million movie based on a 3 and a half inch-tall tall action figure? A: This. 20 years ago, your reviewer would have crapped kittens over the prospects of his favorite childhood toy – Hasbro’s ‘Real American Hero’ – warring it up on the big screen complete with the equivalent of swivel-arm battle grip. Thankfully for the kid in all of us, this is exactly what filmgoers get: The story smacks of make believe, the budget bloats, IQs drop, and all involved are somehow baited into an obligatory sequel. Somewhere along the way, however, the adult reality sets in that G.I. Joe - with its overblown terrorist ass-kicking and randy warriors - has become the punchline to the joke that Team America: World Police set up.

In this PG-13-rated cheese platter, an elite covert military organization (Quaid, Tatum, Marlon Wayans) travels the world to battle a mysterious terrorist operation called Cobra (Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and their nefarious arms dealer (Christopher Eccleston).

There is no denying G.I. Joe’s entertainment factor. The dizzying heights of its cheesiness, however, simply astound. The heroes wear suits that virtually make them Rock-‘Em Sock-‘Em Robots, the villains sneer with the mustache-twirling bravado of Snidley Whiplash, and everybody is somehow related in the backstory. As Paris gets waylaid during a heavy artillery showdown between Real American (albeit diverse) Heroes and terrorists, John Q. Filmgoer cannot help but to be reminded of Team America’s horny soldier puppets decimating The City of Light while singing the ironically titled “America, F-ck Yeah!”

Down-to-the-Wire: More zero than hero.

Julie & Julia

Meryl Streep, Amy Adams

In a summer where killer robots from outer space and live action action figures have failed miserably to entertain the Bejesus out of your chauvinistic reviewer, leave it to this chick flick to pick up the slack. This very true declaration serves to compound the fact that ace storytelling and pitch perfect casting will win out over crap-tastic popcorn every time. This is not to say that the well-woven feel-good Julie & Julia does not have its problems—just that your reviewer enjoyed himself more at the cinema than he had in months. 

In this PG-13-rated comedy, Streep and Adams star in parallel true stories of famed chef Julia Child and a young woman who embarks on a culinary quest to cook all 524 recipes from Childs’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year.

There seems to be a redundancy in heaping ample acclaim on Meryl Streep’s performance …but damn, that woman could play Abraham Lincoln and filmgoers would be held in the palms of her very talented hands. She nails the specific eccentricities of Julia Child with such precision that her turn does not come off as imitation—just uncannily spot-on. Without question, Amy Adams and Stanley Tucci give fine portrayals, but the other star performance comes courtesy of writer/director Nora Ephron for pulling these dueling storylines together in such a breezy – though not always perfectly seamless - fashion. The length and pacing will stretch the audience’s patience a slight bit, but all is forgiven with a winning close.

Down-to-the-Wire: Bon appetit.

Funny People

Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen

In this R-rated bittersweet comedy, a legendary comedian (Sandler) begins rethinking his life after a brush with death. While watching this at-times brilliant comedy, there are moments when your 30-something reviewer was gripped with the awesome realization that THIS is what it must have been like to have seen classic comedies like Duck Soup, Dr. Strangelove…, or Annie Hall right as they were unfurling on the cinema screen in their original release. As the looooong 3^rd act pushes it well past the two-hour mark, however, all of the well-plodded groundwork crumbles beneath the unnecessarily epic weight. Here, writer/director Judd Apatow indulges an otherwise winning character study with a Quixotic journey ridiculously full of padding. Sandler, however, winningly fulfils the amazing Pagliacci promise of the brilliantly conceived main character.

Down-to-the-Wire: Long on time, not on laughs.

G-Force

Voices of, Penelope Cruz

In this energetic PG-rated family film (also available in 3-D), an elite team of highly trained guinea pigs (Cage, Cruz, et al) becomes mankind’s last hope against a fiendish plot to take over the world. Granted, it is not nearly as smart as the talking animal movies that Pixar has put out (Finding Nemo, Ratatouille) or have nearly the zing of the talking animal movies that DreamWorks has put out (Madagascar, Kung Fu Panda), but the partially animated G-Force amazingly ‘toons in a fun-tastic romp. It helps that this harmless hairball of hyperactivity comes in under 90 minutes. The roles are hardly enhanced by the name talent, but who really cares if Nicolas Cage’s beach house was included in the price of your ticket?

Down-to-the-Wire: G-darn fun.

The Hangover

Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms

In this R-rated comedy, four friends (Cooper, Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha) head to Las Vegas for a raucous bachelor party only to wake up the next morning with a baby, a tiger, and Mike Tyson in their hotel room…but no groom. Chock full of brilliantly played bits, laugh-riot The Hangover hammers home the point that it takes a good degree of intelligence to make (and enjoy) a great low comedy. The set-up is simple, but what results is classic ‘boys will be boys’ monkey business. The movie begins to feel long as it winds into the home stretch, but viewers will be too busy mopping up the embarrassing damp spot where they wet themselves laughing to take proper notice.

Down-to-theWire: Hang 10.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Daniel Radcliffe, Ralph Fiennes

In PG-rated Half-Blood Prince, another year at the Horwarts wizard school convenes under the looming threat of Lord Voldemort’s (Fiennes) return. The worst that can be said of the latest go-round is that this more character-driven chapter lacks the action punch of previous installments…but that, of course, is strictly due to another plaudit: the series’ loyalty to J.K. Rowlings’s novels. Continuing helming duties from Order of the Phoenix, director David Yates has bathed the movie not so much in darkness, but colorlessness. To offset the dark cinematography, however, this chapter imbues the ebb and flow of the narrative with some truly colorful moments (moments largely missing in Phoenix). Humor abounds in this touching flick and the love lives of the principle characters cushion the ending’s crushing blow.

Down-to-the-Wire: Princely fun.

The Hurt Locker

Ralph Fiennes, Anthony Mackie

In this R-rated war drama, the members of an elite Army squad (Mackie, Brian Geraghty, Jeremy Renner, Guy Pearce) battle Iraqi insurgents and each other while disarming roadside bombs in Baghdad. Director Kathyrn Bigleow has locked down her masterstroke. ‘White knuckle intensity’ does not begin to define this year’s finest and most harrowing drama thus far. Were it not for its 2004 Iraq War setting and sobering ending, one might mistakenly call this an action film. Actor’s actors Ralph Fiennes and Guy Pearce make brief appearances, but but bomb disarmer Renner’s risk-addicted cocksuredness gives the film its most telling and damning lesson in acting—especially in the film’s final moments. When the all-too-true reality of this soldier’s fate hits screens, his gripping performance truly puts the hurt on filmgoers’ sympathies.

Down-to-the-Wire: So great it hurts.

The Ugly Truth

Katherine Heigl, Gerald Butler

In this R-rated supposed rom-com, a raunchy TV host (Butler) and his straight-laced producer (Heigl) team up to help her get a date. For a comedy about an envelope-pushing raunchy Howard Stern-esque talk-show host, it is amazing how safely Ugly Truth plays it. In an age when shocking laugh-riots are cleaning up, the humor in this watered-down rom-com actually manages to be as shaky as a $10 whore. Worse, the non-existent chemistry between the leads is nothing short of sexless. This formulaic fluff is so by-the-book that even the characters in a supermarket checkout Harlequin romance novel would fall asleep while trying to watch it. There are a few winning bits, but the rest is as ugly as a Fat Camp formal.

Down-to-the-Wire: Truthfully…it’s ugly.